Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Personal Development, Spiritual Growth, the Challenge of Change, and Untapped Potential
It would be funny how quickly time is passing if we weren't the ones it was happening to.
Remember when we were kids? Back then it seemed like the days, months, and years crawled by at caterpillar speed. Birthdays, summertime, and Christmas Day seemed to be the only exceptions. And God bless you if your birthday is during the summer or on
Christmas... those days always got away like hot tailed jack rabbits.
But we live here now, on this swiftly moving timeline, trying to keep our footing firm while we grasp at the wants of our womanhood, and everything has changed.
Even change has changed. Does it feel like that to you? Like the big stuff that used to seem to happen to us, you know, organically, now just pokes at us from the periphery?
Change shows up now like a raspy whisper, a worrisome nudge suggesting that we invite it in and help it make itself at home.
I've learned to welcome it, but initiating and embracing change used to be the hardest thing on the planet for me to do. My work shows me clear evidence that I wasn't alone in that way of being. The reason why women struggle with this so much is invisible.
As a life coach, my work is about supporting Christian women with giving themselves permission to stop hiding out in unfulfilling lives and careers so they can live and be more fully expressed, fulfilled, and free.
The part about the women, us women, giving ourselves permission and stopping with the hiding out, strictly has to do with overcoming the invisible force of limiting beliefs.
I have done (and still do) oodles and oodles of self work around my own limiting beliefs and I remember the first time I came across "change is difficult and hard" as one a lot of people live by.
The split second I read it I had egg on my face. I couldn't begin to count all the times I either thought or actually said out loud "that's just how I am" when confronted with the suggestion of lifestyle change around areas like my mental, emotional, physical, and financial habits.
I rode that self righteous excuse for miles and miles and... In fact, it was much easier to make that five word proclamation of defense than it ever was to conceive of the ginormously complex idea that I could be transformed.
But here's the truth: change doesn't have to be complex. It really is that simple and organic progress that begins the selfsame second we set our intention to go with the flow of the change.
It doesn't have to be an unwelcome and unknown enemy we rush to put up walls and raise our fists to defend ourselves against. As a Christian woman, as a Believer in Christ, you have to remember (and trust) that your steps are ordered by the Lord.
Your invitations to change are always good. They are always God calling you up into greater heights personal development and spiritual growth, calling you up into transformation: greater expressions of glory, freedom, fulfillment and purpose.
Why fight that?
Whatever changes the Holy Spirit is nudging you to surrender to, trust that all is well. That you're ready. You can more than handle it. Actually, you were created to triumph in it, through it, and by it.
Change is the road you'll travel into the heights and depths of your untapped potential.
So don't resist whatever it is that's beckoning you to change. Let yourself go and let yourself be. Every conscious exploration you take into the frontiers of change will change you into more of your authentic self: stronger, braver, and so much richer in your faith in God.
And I'd be willing to bet the farm that by doing so, you'll be that much closer to the MORE that you've been longing for.
Remember when we were kids? Back then it seemed like the days, months, and years crawled by at caterpillar speed. Birthdays, summertime, and Christmas Day seemed to be the only exceptions. And God bless you if your birthday is during the summer or on
Christmas... those days always got away like hot tailed jack rabbits.
But we live here now, on this swiftly moving timeline, trying to keep our footing firm while we grasp at the wants of our womanhood, and everything has changed.
Even change has changed. Does it feel like that to you? Like the big stuff that used to seem to happen to us, you know, organically, now just pokes at us from the periphery?
Change shows up now like a raspy whisper, a worrisome nudge suggesting that we invite it in and help it make itself at home.
I've learned to welcome it, but initiating and embracing change used to be the hardest thing on the planet for me to do. My work shows me clear evidence that I wasn't alone in that way of being. The reason why women struggle with this so much is invisible.
As a life coach, my work is about supporting Christian women with giving themselves permission to stop hiding out in unfulfilling lives and careers so they can live and be more fully expressed, fulfilled, and free.
The part about the women, us women, giving ourselves permission and stopping with the hiding out, strictly has to do with overcoming the invisible force of limiting beliefs.
I have done (and still do) oodles and oodles of self work around my own limiting beliefs and I remember the first time I came across "change is difficult and hard" as one a lot of people live by.
The split second I read it I had egg on my face. I couldn't begin to count all the times I either thought or actually said out loud "that's just how I am" when confronted with the suggestion of lifestyle change around areas like my mental, emotional, physical, and financial habits.
I rode that self righteous excuse for miles and miles and... In fact, it was much easier to make that five word proclamation of defense than it ever was to conceive of the ginormously complex idea that I could be transformed.
But here's the truth: change doesn't have to be complex. It really is that simple and organic progress that begins the selfsame second we set our intention to go with the flow of the change.
It doesn't have to be an unwelcome and unknown enemy we rush to put up walls and raise our fists to defend ourselves against. As a Christian woman, as a Believer in Christ, you have to remember (and trust) that your steps are ordered by the Lord.
Your invitations to change are always good. They are always God calling you up into greater heights personal development and spiritual growth, calling you up into transformation: greater expressions of glory, freedom, fulfillment and purpose.
Why fight that?
Whatever changes the Holy Spirit is nudging you to surrender to, trust that all is well. That you're ready. You can more than handle it. Actually, you were created to triumph in it, through it, and by it.
Change is the road you'll travel into the heights and depths of your untapped potential.
So don't resist whatever it is that's beckoning you to change. Let yourself go and let yourself be. Every conscious exploration you take into the frontiers of change will change you into more of your authentic self: stronger, braver, and so much richer in your faith in God.
And I'd be willing to bet the farm that by doing so, you'll be that much closer to the MORE that you've been longing for.
Alaina Odessa is a Transformational Speaker and Life Coach to Christian Women who are ready to give themselves permission to stop hiding out in unfulfilling lives and careers so they can bloom into BE fully expressed, fulfilled, and free.
Over the last 10 years Alaina's "adventure walk" with God has transformed her from being a "dreamer on the side lines" into a poet, actress, author, speaker, Bible teacher, 8,867 miles/27 states "solo" cross country driver, life coach, entrepreneur & woman on fire dedicated to exploring and manifesting ALL her God-given blessings and promises that come in the form of gifts, talents, desires, and Callings...
To coach with her, invite Alaina to speak at your next service, conference or event...
Women and Sexual Assault in the Middle East: Cries for Help
Sexual assault can be considered one of the most common,
atrocious, brutal crimes, in the Middle East and around the world. It is
one of the most serious and extremely dangerous social problems. The
definition of sexual assault as a concept is very broad; it includes
rape, attempted rape, and all forms of sexual harassment. nevertheless
the term sexual assault is used interchangeably with rape crimes.
The most common form of sexual assault is the aggression of a man, or a group of men, on one woman. Other common forms of sexual assault are aggression of one man, or group of men, on one man, and the sexual assault of children.
Sexual assault has devastating, long term impacts on the victims. Survivors are physically, emotionally and psychologically traumatized. After the trauma, survivors described feeling, "devastated and broken," being filled with emotional pain, feelings of shame, guilt, self-blame, and helplessness. The psychological trauma has long term impacts on the survivor's life.
The survivors may have trouble trusting people, experience chronic nightmares, and/or have a variety of post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms. The experience of the sexual assault will change the path of the survivor's life forever. The survivor will never be the same person as he/she was before the assault, and will hold an unforgettable agony for the rest of his/her life. That is, if he/she does not commit suicide.
The modern psychological theories presume that there are three motives for the offenders.
First, the assault may be motivated by anger. This is when the offender's intent is to retaliate against the victim for something personal, or because the offender is filled with anger. They find their assault as an outlet to release their anger by humiliating the victims. They use physical violence and profane language to achieve that. For these type of offenders sex is a weapon to defile and degrade the victim.
Second, offenders motivated by power. These types of offenders are trying to compensate their underlying feelings of inadequacy and feed their issues of mastery, control, strength and authority. The intent of these offenders is to assert their power and control the victims.
Third, offenders motivated by sadistic desires. For this type of offenders, sex is associated with anger and power, so that aggression and infliction of pain itself is eroticized. The offenders take pleasure in the victim torment, anguish, distress, helplessness, and suffering.
These offenders may be pushed by one motive, a combination of two, or all of the above.
The offender will plan his assault based on his motives, even if it's subconsciously. In case the aggression, motivated by anger, the offenders will gain the satisfaction by inflicting the damage, distress, and sadness upon the victims. In cases of aggression motivated by power, the offenders may record or videotape the aggression as a way to control and blackmail the victims afterword. In cases where the aggression is motivated by sadism, the victims will rarely survive the attack. Offenders gain the ultimate satisfaction through murdering the victims.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of the women in the Middle East, who are the victims of sexual assault, are reluctant to report the assault to the authorities, or even to their families.
This is due to the social practices and the conservative cultural of the Middle East. Unlike most women in the other cultures, who are survivors of sexual assault, survivors of sexual assault in the Middle East, lose the honor of the family. Society, and at times, even the family, blame the innocent victim, and hold her accountable for the assailant act. Such types of atmospheres encourage the intention because of the lack of accountability.
Offenders take advantage of the social concepts that women bring honor to the family.
Offenders know with certainty that most women will never report the crime due to social reasons or because women know they lack fair and equal access to the law and courts in the Middle East. There are laws against sexual assault, but if the rapist agrees to marry the victim, the charge(s) will be dropped.
The victims are left in torment to face their destiny alone. Forced to try and heal in a ruthless strict culture where the sanctity of virginity is held in the highest of esteem. Everybody forgets about them. Nobody cares about them. Nobody cares about the victim's rights. Yet, everyone cares about how to sustain and preserve the social habits? And at the expense of a woman who has been brutally violated? How can this be? She is the scapegoat. Society, in their imaginary mind, is protecting the honor of the family. Nobody stops, not even for a moment, and tries to imagine how the victims feel. Not even the legislators!
The legislators, in some countries of the Middle East, wrote laws, making it legal to marry the victim in lieu of charges being brought against him. They took into consideration the preserve the social habits. This shows clear partiality toward the men, even when they are convicted of the most awful brutal crimes, and they completely ignored the rights of the victims. It goes without saying. How could a raped woman accept her rapist to be her life partner by marriage? Really, the legislators have gone too far in oppressing women rights!
A real example of the seriousness, the level of the social and humanitarian crisis, women survivors of sexual assault are facing, is the recent infamous and notable incident, which happened to an innocent, 16 year old, Moroccan girl. She had been raped by her neighbor.
When she came back from school and informed her father, they reported the crime to the authorities. The case went to court, which ended in a court order for her to marrying her rapist. This decision allowed the charges to be dropped against the rapist. Six months later, this innocent girl committed suicide. She had been maltreated in every possible way by her husband (her rapist previously) and his family.
The story of this innocent girl symbolizes and embodies the lack of legal and social protection of women. Her story gave the world a glance of the serious attention needed into laws that protect victim's rights and the dire need for women's shelters and women's services offered through civil society organizations in the Middle East.
Most of the victims will not reveal any information about the aggressions, or the perpetrators, because they know for certain that everyone will stand against them, the legislators, community, and family. No one will support them. Everyone will stand beside the men, even when they are a convicted felon in such a crime.
The women have been taught a long time ago that in this culture, they have too much to lose, while the men are always in a win-win situation. So the victims have to deal with their horrific experience alone. The victims have been left alone in sorrow and submission. That is, if they do not have to comply to the blackmail and the desires of the offenders afterward.
No matter what the demands are.
There are solutions for this dangerous social problem. Some are short term and some are long term but all are sustainable.
First, there needs to be centers and rehabs which offer psychological therapy for the victims. The centers must offer and guarantee the confidentiality of the identity of the victims and their experiences. This is the biggest concern of the victims in the Middle East (their confidentiality). This is just like the centers and rehabs for victims of sexual assaults in the advanced countries.
Second, there needs to be legal reform that offers fair and equal access to law enforcement, courts, and legal process. Countries must annul the law that allows marriage to the victim in lieu of criminal charges. There must be very strict, serious, and consistent legal consequences. There must be no leniency with any convicted felon of rape at the expense of the victim.
There must be a long-term commitment to rape awareness and social education. The innocent girls grow up and become possible targets to assailants. They need to be taught how to protect themselves by being aware, how to spot signs of potentially dangerous men or situations and how to avoid them, their traps or their ambushes.
The statistics refer that very few who commit such crimes are strangers to the victims, while a high percentage refer that the perpetrators of such a crime are an acquaintances, or have been able to earn the trust of the victim through some type of a relationship.
The women who are victims of sexual assault in Middle East need a real, strong support system that will stand for their rights. Besides friends and family, the civil society community organizations, women rights advocates, and human rights advocates are well needed.
There is a real social humanitarian crisis happening right now. Women need every bit of support that can be offered by the legislators, civil society community and humanitarian organizations.
The most common form of sexual assault is the aggression of a man, or a group of men, on one woman. Other common forms of sexual assault are aggression of one man, or group of men, on one man, and the sexual assault of children.
Sexual assault has devastating, long term impacts on the victims. Survivors are physically, emotionally and psychologically traumatized. After the trauma, survivors described feeling, "devastated and broken," being filled with emotional pain, feelings of shame, guilt, self-blame, and helplessness. The psychological trauma has long term impacts on the survivor's life.
The survivors may have trouble trusting people, experience chronic nightmares, and/or have a variety of post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms. The experience of the sexual assault will change the path of the survivor's life forever. The survivor will never be the same person as he/she was before the assault, and will hold an unforgettable agony for the rest of his/her life. That is, if he/she does not commit suicide.
The modern psychological theories presume that there are three motives for the offenders.
First, the assault may be motivated by anger. This is when the offender's intent is to retaliate against the victim for something personal, or because the offender is filled with anger. They find their assault as an outlet to release their anger by humiliating the victims. They use physical violence and profane language to achieve that. For these type of offenders sex is a weapon to defile and degrade the victim.
Second, offenders motivated by power. These types of offenders are trying to compensate their underlying feelings of inadequacy and feed their issues of mastery, control, strength and authority. The intent of these offenders is to assert their power and control the victims.
Third, offenders motivated by sadistic desires. For this type of offenders, sex is associated with anger and power, so that aggression and infliction of pain itself is eroticized. The offenders take pleasure in the victim torment, anguish, distress, helplessness, and suffering.
These offenders may be pushed by one motive, a combination of two, or all of the above.
The offender will plan his assault based on his motives, even if it's subconsciously. In case the aggression, motivated by anger, the offenders will gain the satisfaction by inflicting the damage, distress, and sadness upon the victims. In cases of aggression motivated by power, the offenders may record or videotape the aggression as a way to control and blackmail the victims afterword. In cases where the aggression is motivated by sadism, the victims will rarely survive the attack. Offenders gain the ultimate satisfaction through murdering the victims.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of the women in the Middle East, who are the victims of sexual assault, are reluctant to report the assault to the authorities, or even to their families.
This is due to the social practices and the conservative cultural of the Middle East. Unlike most women in the other cultures, who are survivors of sexual assault, survivors of sexual assault in the Middle East, lose the honor of the family. Society, and at times, even the family, blame the innocent victim, and hold her accountable for the assailant act. Such types of atmospheres encourage the intention because of the lack of accountability.
Offenders take advantage of the social concepts that women bring honor to the family.
Offenders know with certainty that most women will never report the crime due to social reasons or because women know they lack fair and equal access to the law and courts in the Middle East. There are laws against sexual assault, but if the rapist agrees to marry the victim, the charge(s) will be dropped.
The victims are left in torment to face their destiny alone. Forced to try and heal in a ruthless strict culture where the sanctity of virginity is held in the highest of esteem. Everybody forgets about them. Nobody cares about them. Nobody cares about the victim's rights. Yet, everyone cares about how to sustain and preserve the social habits? And at the expense of a woman who has been brutally violated? How can this be? She is the scapegoat. Society, in their imaginary mind, is protecting the honor of the family. Nobody stops, not even for a moment, and tries to imagine how the victims feel. Not even the legislators!
The legislators, in some countries of the Middle East, wrote laws, making it legal to marry the victim in lieu of charges being brought against him. They took into consideration the preserve the social habits. This shows clear partiality toward the men, even when they are convicted of the most awful brutal crimes, and they completely ignored the rights of the victims. It goes without saying. How could a raped woman accept her rapist to be her life partner by marriage? Really, the legislators have gone too far in oppressing women rights!
A real example of the seriousness, the level of the social and humanitarian crisis, women survivors of sexual assault are facing, is the recent infamous and notable incident, which happened to an innocent, 16 year old, Moroccan girl. She had been raped by her neighbor.
When she came back from school and informed her father, they reported the crime to the authorities. The case went to court, which ended in a court order for her to marrying her rapist. This decision allowed the charges to be dropped against the rapist. Six months later, this innocent girl committed suicide. She had been maltreated in every possible way by her husband (her rapist previously) and his family.
The story of this innocent girl symbolizes and embodies the lack of legal and social protection of women. Her story gave the world a glance of the serious attention needed into laws that protect victim's rights and the dire need for women's shelters and women's services offered through civil society organizations in the Middle East.
Most of the victims will not reveal any information about the aggressions, or the perpetrators, because they know for certain that everyone will stand against them, the legislators, community, and family. No one will support them. Everyone will stand beside the men, even when they are a convicted felon in such a crime.
The women have been taught a long time ago that in this culture, they have too much to lose, while the men are always in a win-win situation. So the victims have to deal with their horrific experience alone. The victims have been left alone in sorrow and submission. That is, if they do not have to comply to the blackmail and the desires of the offenders afterward.
No matter what the demands are.
There are solutions for this dangerous social problem. Some are short term and some are long term but all are sustainable.
First, there needs to be centers and rehabs which offer psychological therapy for the victims. The centers must offer and guarantee the confidentiality of the identity of the victims and their experiences. This is the biggest concern of the victims in the Middle East (their confidentiality). This is just like the centers and rehabs for victims of sexual assaults in the advanced countries.
Second, there needs to be legal reform that offers fair and equal access to law enforcement, courts, and legal process. Countries must annul the law that allows marriage to the victim in lieu of criminal charges. There must be very strict, serious, and consistent legal consequences. There must be no leniency with any convicted felon of rape at the expense of the victim.
There must be a long-term commitment to rape awareness and social education. The innocent girls grow up and become possible targets to assailants. They need to be taught how to protect themselves by being aware, how to spot signs of potentially dangerous men or situations and how to avoid them, their traps or their ambushes.
The statistics refer that very few who commit such crimes are strangers to the victims, while a high percentage refer that the perpetrators of such a crime are an acquaintances, or have been able to earn the trust of the victim through some type of a relationship.
The women who are victims of sexual assault in Middle East need a real, strong support system that will stand for their rights. Besides friends and family, the civil society community organizations, women rights advocates, and human rights advocates are well needed.
There is a real social humanitarian crisis happening right now. Women need every bit of support that can be offered by the legislators, civil society community and humanitarian organizations.
You Are Not Flawed, Imperfect or Botched
It's your differences that make you unique and beautiful not how well you fit a prescribed standard of beauty.
Shefinds.com, an online shopping guide, clearly missed this point and the results made me fume!
I subscribe to all kinds of online fashion newsletters to keep up with what's going on in the world of fashion. Recently, I saw a message from shefinds.com entitled, "H&M's Huge Facebook Mistake." Their marketing is brilliant and I was hooked. I couldn't click to the site fast enough to read more.
When I went to the website, the title of the article was, "Is It Just Us or Did H&M Seriously Botch This Poor Girl's Legs In Photoshop?" My sensitivity antenna was immediately activated and I kept reading. They start by saying, "Look closely-the right leg of the model seems to be awkwardly turned inward." They go on adding, "... the model could be a little bow-legged, in which case: that's awesome. It's good to see beautiful women with real imperfections in advertising! Not everyone can wake up FLAWLESS like Beyoncé."
At first read you might think, yeah, you're right. Let's see more real women in advertising.
But then, the subtle message comes through. On one hand they are saying that showing "real imperfections" is "awesome." And, on the other hand they are saying that if she has "real imperfections" then her body looks "botched" and flawed and they pity that "poor girl."
Given the line of work I'm in, and my own personal experience growing up, I am extremely sensitive to this kind of talk. The ramifications are insidious. The more we hear the message that our bodies are botched and imperfect, the more we internalize that and believe it. Every day I hear women speak harshly about their own bodies. If, like most of the women I work with, I ask you what you don't like about how you look, I suspect you can spout an endless torrent of reasons you aren't happy with your body. If I ask you what you like, the list dwindles dramatically.
The last thing you need is someone else cheering you on and at the same time telling you that your body doesn't meet the standards that are prescribed by... by whom!? Celebrities?
The media? Their idea of perfect beauty ultimately infiltrates society so we finally (even after resisting) get the message that there is something wrong with us. But, they add, yay, poor girl, we admire your willingness to venture out into the world, flaws and all.
The impact goes way beyond this article and is exactly why my virtual program has an entire chapter on hurtful comments and unwanted advice. These messages affect you at a deep, soulful level and eventually it is hard to resist and you unwillingly buy into their destructive message.
Although I think Shefinds.com was well intentioned, this type of article comes in the guise of supporting women when, except for the most self-confident woman, it actually undermines their self-acceptance. I know this not only from my work with thousands of women, but also from my own personal experience. I have spent years coming to terms with the fact that I have knocked knees. My legs are different from other women in real life and in magazines.
As a teenager I would sit on the beach with my friends and watch all the women walking by comparing my legs to theirs and looking for someone else who had crooked legs as she walked confidently along the beach. I never saw one, which made me feel even more sensitive about my legs. Finally, years later, I have made peace with them despite the fact that the author of the H&M article considers them imperfect, botched and flawed.
Shefinds.com might believe Beyoncé to be flawless, but what would the world be like if we all looked like Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus or whomever the media has chosen as their latest obsession? Boring, that's what. It is your uniqueness that makes you special and not how much you are the same as everyone else or how well you fit society's vision of beauty.
Finding your own personal vision of beauty is the key to feeling personal satisfaction with how you show up in the world.
Use these two steps to move you closer to that personal goal:
Ginger Burr believes that your image represents the best of you,
not some ideal that makes designers happy. As an expert personal image
consultant working with women from all walks of life, she has crafted a
remarkable process of nurturing your inner beauty and discovering your
personal style. Whether it's the "dynasty" shoulder pad era, the
never-ending confusion of business casual, or the low-rise pant
controversy, she has helped women navigate through (and sometimes
completely ignore!) the styles of the season and feel good about how
they look.Shefinds.com, an online shopping guide, clearly missed this point and the results made me fume!
I subscribe to all kinds of online fashion newsletters to keep up with what's going on in the world of fashion. Recently, I saw a message from shefinds.com entitled, "H&M's Huge Facebook Mistake." Their marketing is brilliant and I was hooked. I couldn't click to the site fast enough to read more.
When I went to the website, the title of the article was, "Is It Just Us or Did H&M Seriously Botch This Poor Girl's Legs In Photoshop?" My sensitivity antenna was immediately activated and I kept reading. They start by saying, "Look closely-the right leg of the model seems to be awkwardly turned inward." They go on adding, "... the model could be a little bow-legged, in which case: that's awesome. It's good to see beautiful women with real imperfections in advertising! Not everyone can wake up FLAWLESS like Beyoncé."
At first read you might think, yeah, you're right. Let's see more real women in advertising.
But then, the subtle message comes through. On one hand they are saying that showing "real imperfections" is "awesome." And, on the other hand they are saying that if she has "real imperfections" then her body looks "botched" and flawed and they pity that "poor girl."
Given the line of work I'm in, and my own personal experience growing up, I am extremely sensitive to this kind of talk. The ramifications are insidious. The more we hear the message that our bodies are botched and imperfect, the more we internalize that and believe it. Every day I hear women speak harshly about their own bodies. If, like most of the women I work with, I ask you what you don't like about how you look, I suspect you can spout an endless torrent of reasons you aren't happy with your body. If I ask you what you like, the list dwindles dramatically.
The last thing you need is someone else cheering you on and at the same time telling you that your body doesn't meet the standards that are prescribed by... by whom!? Celebrities?
The media? Their idea of perfect beauty ultimately infiltrates society so we finally (even after resisting) get the message that there is something wrong with us. But, they add, yay, poor girl, we admire your willingness to venture out into the world, flaws and all.
The impact goes way beyond this article and is exactly why my virtual program has an entire chapter on hurtful comments and unwanted advice. These messages affect you at a deep, soulful level and eventually it is hard to resist and you unwillingly buy into their destructive message.
Although I think Shefinds.com was well intentioned, this type of article comes in the guise of supporting women when, except for the most self-confident woman, it actually undermines their self-acceptance. I know this not only from my work with thousands of women, but also from my own personal experience. I have spent years coming to terms with the fact that I have knocked knees. My legs are different from other women in real life and in magazines.
As a teenager I would sit on the beach with my friends and watch all the women walking by comparing my legs to theirs and looking for someone else who had crooked legs as she walked confidently along the beach. I never saw one, which made me feel even more sensitive about my legs. Finally, years later, I have made peace with them despite the fact that the author of the H&M article considers them imperfect, botched and flawed.
Shefinds.com might believe Beyoncé to be flawless, but what would the world be like if we all looked like Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus or whomever the media has chosen as their latest obsession? Boring, that's what. It is your uniqueness that makes you special and not how much you are the same as everyone else or how well you fit society's vision of beauty.
Finding your own personal vision of beauty is the key to feeling personal satisfaction with how you show up in the world.
Use these two steps to move you closer to that personal goal:
- Find one part of your body that isn't your favorite -- that you wish, because of articles like these, was more like what you think it's supposed to look like rather than how it is. Maybe, like me, it's your legs. Or perhaps your waist, hips, shoulders, bustline or arms. Choose just one.
- Change your perspective. Find something great about this part of your body. For instance, my legs might be crooked, but they are long and that's what I dress for every day. For you, maybe you always feel like your hips are too big. But perhaps, as a result (these two things often go hand in hand) you have a small waist. When you wear something that shows off your waist and your hips you feel curvy and feminine. Or, maybe you feel flat-chested and like your body is shapeless. But then you realize that this allows you to add curves with your clothes and easily wear something strapless or with ruffles, ruching or patterns on your chest without worrying about appearing top heavy.
A notable speaker and leader in the field of fashion and style, Ginger's adroit understanding of beauty trends and fashion has been celebrated by Fox TV News, The Boston Globe, and CNN.com. In addition, Ginger recently launched her body image, self-esteem, and style virtual coaching program "Who Taught You How to Dress?" This innovative program allows women to overcome internal obstacles and learn the practical (as well as soft) skills they need to create a wardrobe they love -- all in the comfort of their own home!
Ginger has distinguished herself in several untapped niches, including her image work with the transgender community and was recently recognized by VegNews Magazine as one of the "25 Most Fascinating Vegetarians" in the world for her innovative and groundbreaking work as a vegan image consultant.
Men - There Is No Honor in Killing The Innocent
My father works as a prominent lawyer in my country in the Middle East.
He never talked about the cases he worked on and I never interfered in
his own business. By coincidence, one day I heard him talking with my
brother about one of the cases he had. This case drew my attention and I
asked my father more information about it. My father had a lawsuit. He
will defend two men in an honor killing crime. The two men were her
father and brother. The girl was sixteen. The men killed her in very
barbarian brutal way. They slit her throat. They waited for this
innocent girl to come back from school, forced her off the school bus,
and in front of all her classmates, killed her.
While we can all agree honor killing is wrong, the irony here is that this young girl did not have any clue about what was going on because she was totally innocent of any wrong doing. Her name is stigmatized with shame, yet she was innocent, purely innocent from all accusations!
Honor killing is an old social habit but it still occurs in the Middle East. Honor killings are a punishment for women who commit adultery, whether they are married or not. It is believed that they must be killed because of the social convention that they brought shame to their families by their immoral behavior and by killing them; their families will purify and cleanse the honor and the respectful reputation of the family.
This article is not about whether or not committing adultery is wrong. This article is about honor killing and the many innocent women who are killed from false accusations. They are legally murdered without any verification about their case, like this innocent girl.
I have been raised in a very conservative culture in the Middle East. I have witnessed many cases of women being accused of adultery, where men use gossips, false allegations and fabricated stories, pictures and/or videos, as evidence to end the woman's life through "honor killing." The women were totally innocent.
Sometimes men use adultery as an excuse to legally justify honor killings. In conservative Middle Eastern culture, when a woman rejects a man, his reaction is hostility, rage and he wants revenge. He will do what is called "character assassination." This gossip will tarnish her reputation and he hopes the gossip will reach her relatives.
I have witnessed many women who were killed based only on gossip, false allegations, fabricated pictures or videos, and unfortunately the relatives, the ones who execute the punishment, never investigate or question the allegations. They never question if the gossip is true or not. Women are not given the chance to defend themselves. I have so many tragic stories of innocent women being killed through honor killing.
Many men do not have any deterrent from killing any woman who they think brought shame to the family. Honor killing is blessed by the family, community, and ignored from any kind of legal penalty and government authorities. If the government authorities, or the law enforcement, act in a more strict way, it will reduce the killing of innocent women, and hold the perpetrators accountable for their actions.
Currently, perpetrators are released from prison after a few weeks or months. Law enforcement, government officials and the community believe the man's actions were justified and the consequence of short term imprisonment is sufficient. Society supports the practice of defending and protecting the honor of the family.
Men in the Middle East have been raised to be oversensitive about the honor of the family. This honor embodies and counts on the women's respectful and moral behavior. It is a cultural belief that women should never have sexual relationships or physical intimacy before marriage.
This is how culture in the Middle East is. It's how people have been raised. However, men in this culture forget something that is extremely important - women are humans. Women are not devoid of emotions. Women have needs just like men. Emotional, psychological and physical needs. Women, like men, need to have partners in their life. Otherwise, they will feel unbalanced.
It is not invitation for demoralizing women or an encouragement for women to become involved in any wrongdoing. It is an invitation for both genders to understand that we are equal. We have equal needs. Men, it is time to stop behaving in a radical manner.
With the support of the community, we can change what is happening in most of the Middle
Eastern countries. There must be serious, sustainable legal and law enforcement action. Justice must be served to those who commit honor killings. There must be a democratic and fair legal system. Honor killings must be abolished. Our social standards must advance.
Courts must demand solid proof of any and all accusations, especially those against the women, and punishments must be consistent with international human rights standards. Those who seek to arbitrarily harm another must face legal consequences.
While we can all agree honor killing is wrong, the irony here is that this young girl did not have any clue about what was going on because she was totally innocent of any wrong doing. Her name is stigmatized with shame, yet she was innocent, purely innocent from all accusations!
Honor killing is an old social habit but it still occurs in the Middle East. Honor killings are a punishment for women who commit adultery, whether they are married or not. It is believed that they must be killed because of the social convention that they brought shame to their families by their immoral behavior and by killing them; their families will purify and cleanse the honor and the respectful reputation of the family.
This article is not about whether or not committing adultery is wrong. This article is about honor killing and the many innocent women who are killed from false accusations. They are legally murdered without any verification about their case, like this innocent girl.
I have been raised in a very conservative culture in the Middle East. I have witnessed many cases of women being accused of adultery, where men use gossips, false allegations and fabricated stories, pictures and/or videos, as evidence to end the woman's life through "honor killing." The women were totally innocent.
Sometimes men use adultery as an excuse to legally justify honor killings. In conservative Middle Eastern culture, when a woman rejects a man, his reaction is hostility, rage and he wants revenge. He will do what is called "character assassination." This gossip will tarnish her reputation and he hopes the gossip will reach her relatives.
I have witnessed many women who were killed based only on gossip, false allegations, fabricated pictures or videos, and unfortunately the relatives, the ones who execute the punishment, never investigate or question the allegations. They never question if the gossip is true or not. Women are not given the chance to defend themselves. I have so many tragic stories of innocent women being killed through honor killing.
Many men do not have any deterrent from killing any woman who they think brought shame to the family. Honor killing is blessed by the family, community, and ignored from any kind of legal penalty and government authorities. If the government authorities, or the law enforcement, act in a more strict way, it will reduce the killing of innocent women, and hold the perpetrators accountable for their actions.
Currently, perpetrators are released from prison after a few weeks or months. Law enforcement, government officials and the community believe the man's actions were justified and the consequence of short term imprisonment is sufficient. Society supports the practice of defending and protecting the honor of the family.
Men in the Middle East have been raised to be oversensitive about the honor of the family. This honor embodies and counts on the women's respectful and moral behavior. It is a cultural belief that women should never have sexual relationships or physical intimacy before marriage.
This is how culture in the Middle East is. It's how people have been raised. However, men in this culture forget something that is extremely important - women are humans. Women are not devoid of emotions. Women have needs just like men. Emotional, psychological and physical needs. Women, like men, need to have partners in their life. Otherwise, they will feel unbalanced.
It is not invitation for demoralizing women or an encouragement for women to become involved in any wrongdoing. It is an invitation for both genders to understand that we are equal. We have equal needs. Men, it is time to stop behaving in a radical manner.
With the support of the community, we can change what is happening in most of the Middle
Eastern countries. There must be serious, sustainable legal and law enforcement action. Justice must be served to those who commit honor killings. There must be a democratic and fair legal system. Honor killings must be abolished. Our social standards must advance.
Courts must demand solid proof of any and all accusations, especially those against the women, and punishments must be consistent with international human rights standards. Those who seek to arbitrarily harm another must face legal consequences.
5 Ways to Celebrate International Women's Day
Every year, on March 8, the celebration of International Women's Day
takes place around the world. In some areas, the celebration tends to
focus on the achievements of women, including their political, economic
and social achievements. In other areas, it is seen as more of a general
celebration which is designed to engender love, appreciation and
respect to women around the world. Regardless of where you live in the
world, however, it is a day that should be commemorated. Here are some
ways for you to do so which will help to bring out the flavor of the
celebration and to provide recognition for women on this special day.
Wear a Purple Ribbon - Purple ribbons are worn for a wide variety of causes, from ADD and ADHD to Alzheimer's disease, anti-gay bullying and adoption awareness. It is also the color ribbon that is associated with international woman's day. In 1990, The Purple Ribbon Campaign was initiated by the Woman's Action Coalition of Nova Scotia. The original purpose of wearing a purple ribbon was to remember all women who died violently and in particular, 14 women who died on December 6, 1989 in Montréal, something which has become known as the Montréal massacre. By wearing a purple ribbon, you help to raise awareness of violence against women, which is certainly a worthy cause.
Help Spread the Word - Rather than letting this day pass by silently, get involved and help to spread the word about this international celebration. One of the ways that you can do so is by submitting stories to media outlets. You can also use a variety of promotional materials that can be downloaded and printed to promote this day in your organization or through a variety of other outlets.
Join me on a Bridge - This unique campaign was started by women in Rwanda and in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. They met on a bridge, joining the two countries together to signify the peace that was possible when women joined forces. From those humble beginnings, the join me on a bridge campaign has spread worldwide. Among the different parts of the world which will celebrate in this campaign are San Francisco, Boston, London, New York and Toronto. Of course, you do not need to live in those areas to take part in this event. Start a join me on the bridge campaign in your area.
Go Braless - Many petite women like to signify their unity with other women by going braless on international woman's day. This is not something that needs to be distasteful. It can help to signify your desire to be free of the bonds that have held women in suppression for centuries.
Start Something Online - People have become interconnected through social media in ways that were not possible just a few short years ago. Why not take advantage of that connection and raise awareness for international woman's day through Facebook, Twitter and other social media outlets? This can be done with a simple post or by starting a game, such as the Half the Sky Movement Facebook game. It is designed to raise funds and awareness for women worldwide.
Wear a Purple Ribbon - Purple ribbons are worn for a wide variety of causes, from ADD and ADHD to Alzheimer's disease, anti-gay bullying and adoption awareness. It is also the color ribbon that is associated with international woman's day. In 1990, The Purple Ribbon Campaign was initiated by the Woman's Action Coalition of Nova Scotia. The original purpose of wearing a purple ribbon was to remember all women who died violently and in particular, 14 women who died on December 6, 1989 in Montréal, something which has become known as the Montréal massacre. By wearing a purple ribbon, you help to raise awareness of violence against women, which is certainly a worthy cause.
Help Spread the Word - Rather than letting this day pass by silently, get involved and help to spread the word about this international celebration. One of the ways that you can do so is by submitting stories to media outlets. You can also use a variety of promotional materials that can be downloaded and printed to promote this day in your organization or through a variety of other outlets.
Join me on a Bridge - This unique campaign was started by women in Rwanda and in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. They met on a bridge, joining the two countries together to signify the peace that was possible when women joined forces. From those humble beginnings, the join me on a bridge campaign has spread worldwide. Among the different parts of the world which will celebrate in this campaign are San Francisco, Boston, London, New York and Toronto. Of course, you do not need to live in those areas to take part in this event. Start a join me on the bridge campaign in your area.
Go Braless - Many petite women like to signify their unity with other women by going braless on international woman's day. This is not something that needs to be distasteful. It can help to signify your desire to be free of the bonds that have held women in suppression for centuries.
Start Something Online - People have become interconnected through social media in ways that were not possible just a few short years ago. Why not take advantage of that connection and raise awareness for international woman's day through Facebook, Twitter and other social media outlets? This can be done with a simple post or by starting a game, such as the Half the Sky Movement Facebook game. It is designed to raise funds and awareness for women worldwide.
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