Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Personal Development, Spiritual Growth, the Challenge of Change, and Untapped Potential
It would be funny how quickly time is passing if we weren't the ones it was happening to.
Remember when we were kids? Back then it seemed like the days, months, and years crawled by at caterpillar speed. Birthdays, summertime, and Christmas Day seemed to be the only exceptions. And God bless you if your birthday is during the summer or on
Christmas... those days always got away like hot tailed jack rabbits.
But we live here now, on this swiftly moving timeline, trying to keep our footing firm while we grasp at the wants of our womanhood, and everything has changed.
Even change has changed. Does it feel like that to you? Like the big stuff that used to seem to happen to us, you know, organically, now just pokes at us from the periphery?
Change shows up now like a raspy whisper, a worrisome nudge suggesting that we invite it in and help it make itself at home.
I've learned to welcome it, but initiating and embracing change used to be the hardest thing on the planet for me to do. My work shows me clear evidence that I wasn't alone in that way of being. The reason why women struggle with this so much is invisible.
As a life coach, my work is about supporting Christian women with giving themselves permission to stop hiding out in unfulfilling lives and careers so they can live and be more fully expressed, fulfilled, and free.
The part about the women, us women, giving ourselves permission and stopping with the hiding out, strictly has to do with overcoming the invisible force of limiting beliefs.
I have done (and still do) oodles and oodles of self work around my own limiting beliefs and I remember the first time I came across "change is difficult and hard" as one a lot of people live by.
The split second I read it I had egg on my face. I couldn't begin to count all the times I either thought or actually said out loud "that's just how I am" when confronted with the suggestion of lifestyle change around areas like my mental, emotional, physical, and financial habits.
I rode that self righteous excuse for miles and miles and... In fact, it was much easier to make that five word proclamation of defense than it ever was to conceive of the ginormously complex idea that I could be transformed.
But here's the truth: change doesn't have to be complex. It really is that simple and organic progress that begins the selfsame second we set our intention to go with the flow of the change.
It doesn't have to be an unwelcome and unknown enemy we rush to put up walls and raise our fists to defend ourselves against. As a Christian woman, as a Believer in Christ, you have to remember (and trust) that your steps are ordered by the Lord.
Your invitations to change are always good. They are always God calling you up into greater heights personal development and spiritual growth, calling you up into transformation: greater expressions of glory, freedom, fulfillment and purpose.
Why fight that?
Whatever changes the Holy Spirit is nudging you to surrender to, trust that all is well. That you're ready. You can more than handle it. Actually, you were created to triumph in it, through it, and by it.
Change is the road you'll travel into the heights and depths of your untapped potential.
So don't resist whatever it is that's beckoning you to change. Let yourself go and let yourself be. Every conscious exploration you take into the frontiers of change will change you into more of your authentic self: stronger, braver, and so much richer in your faith in God.
And I'd be willing to bet the farm that by doing so, you'll be that much closer to the MORE that you've been longing for.
Remember when we were kids? Back then it seemed like the days, months, and years crawled by at caterpillar speed. Birthdays, summertime, and Christmas Day seemed to be the only exceptions. And God bless you if your birthday is during the summer or on
Christmas... those days always got away like hot tailed jack rabbits.
But we live here now, on this swiftly moving timeline, trying to keep our footing firm while we grasp at the wants of our womanhood, and everything has changed.
Even change has changed. Does it feel like that to you? Like the big stuff that used to seem to happen to us, you know, organically, now just pokes at us from the periphery?
Change shows up now like a raspy whisper, a worrisome nudge suggesting that we invite it in and help it make itself at home.
I've learned to welcome it, but initiating and embracing change used to be the hardest thing on the planet for me to do. My work shows me clear evidence that I wasn't alone in that way of being. The reason why women struggle with this so much is invisible.
As a life coach, my work is about supporting Christian women with giving themselves permission to stop hiding out in unfulfilling lives and careers so they can live and be more fully expressed, fulfilled, and free.
The part about the women, us women, giving ourselves permission and stopping with the hiding out, strictly has to do with overcoming the invisible force of limiting beliefs.
I have done (and still do) oodles and oodles of self work around my own limiting beliefs and I remember the first time I came across "change is difficult and hard" as one a lot of people live by.
The split second I read it I had egg on my face. I couldn't begin to count all the times I either thought or actually said out loud "that's just how I am" when confronted with the suggestion of lifestyle change around areas like my mental, emotional, physical, and financial habits.
I rode that self righteous excuse for miles and miles and... In fact, it was much easier to make that five word proclamation of defense than it ever was to conceive of the ginormously complex idea that I could be transformed.
But here's the truth: change doesn't have to be complex. It really is that simple and organic progress that begins the selfsame second we set our intention to go with the flow of the change.
It doesn't have to be an unwelcome and unknown enemy we rush to put up walls and raise our fists to defend ourselves against. As a Christian woman, as a Believer in Christ, you have to remember (and trust) that your steps are ordered by the Lord.
Your invitations to change are always good. They are always God calling you up into greater heights personal development and spiritual growth, calling you up into transformation: greater expressions of glory, freedom, fulfillment and purpose.
Why fight that?
Whatever changes the Holy Spirit is nudging you to surrender to, trust that all is well. That you're ready. You can more than handle it. Actually, you were created to triumph in it, through it, and by it.
Change is the road you'll travel into the heights and depths of your untapped potential.
So don't resist whatever it is that's beckoning you to change. Let yourself go and let yourself be. Every conscious exploration you take into the frontiers of change will change you into more of your authentic self: stronger, braver, and so much richer in your faith in God.
And I'd be willing to bet the farm that by doing so, you'll be that much closer to the MORE that you've been longing for.
Alaina Odessa is a Transformational Speaker and Life Coach to Christian Women who are ready to give themselves permission to stop hiding out in unfulfilling lives and careers so they can bloom into BE fully expressed, fulfilled, and free.
Over the last 10 years Alaina's "adventure walk" with God has transformed her from being a "dreamer on the side lines" into a poet, actress, author, speaker, Bible teacher, 8,867 miles/27 states "solo" cross country driver, life coach, entrepreneur & woman on fire dedicated to exploring and manifesting ALL her God-given blessings and promises that come in the form of gifts, talents, desires, and Callings...
To coach with her, invite Alaina to speak at your next service, conference or event...
Women and Sexual Assault in the Middle East: Cries for Help
Sexual assault can be considered one of the most common,
atrocious, brutal crimes, in the Middle East and around the world. It is
one of the most serious and extremely dangerous social problems. The
definition of sexual assault as a concept is very broad; it includes
rape, attempted rape, and all forms of sexual harassment. nevertheless
the term sexual assault is used interchangeably with rape crimes.
The most common form of sexual assault is the aggression of a man, or a group of men, on one woman. Other common forms of sexual assault are aggression of one man, or group of men, on one man, and the sexual assault of children.
Sexual assault has devastating, long term impacts on the victims. Survivors are physically, emotionally and psychologically traumatized. After the trauma, survivors described feeling, "devastated and broken," being filled with emotional pain, feelings of shame, guilt, self-blame, and helplessness. The psychological trauma has long term impacts on the survivor's life.
The survivors may have trouble trusting people, experience chronic nightmares, and/or have a variety of post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms. The experience of the sexual assault will change the path of the survivor's life forever. The survivor will never be the same person as he/she was before the assault, and will hold an unforgettable agony for the rest of his/her life. That is, if he/she does not commit suicide.
The modern psychological theories presume that there are three motives for the offenders.
First, the assault may be motivated by anger. This is when the offender's intent is to retaliate against the victim for something personal, or because the offender is filled with anger. They find their assault as an outlet to release their anger by humiliating the victims. They use physical violence and profane language to achieve that. For these type of offenders sex is a weapon to defile and degrade the victim.
Second, offenders motivated by power. These types of offenders are trying to compensate their underlying feelings of inadequacy and feed their issues of mastery, control, strength and authority. The intent of these offenders is to assert their power and control the victims.
Third, offenders motivated by sadistic desires. For this type of offenders, sex is associated with anger and power, so that aggression and infliction of pain itself is eroticized. The offenders take pleasure in the victim torment, anguish, distress, helplessness, and suffering.
These offenders may be pushed by one motive, a combination of two, or all of the above.
The offender will plan his assault based on his motives, even if it's subconsciously. In case the aggression, motivated by anger, the offenders will gain the satisfaction by inflicting the damage, distress, and sadness upon the victims. In cases of aggression motivated by power, the offenders may record or videotape the aggression as a way to control and blackmail the victims afterword. In cases where the aggression is motivated by sadism, the victims will rarely survive the attack. Offenders gain the ultimate satisfaction through murdering the victims.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of the women in the Middle East, who are the victims of sexual assault, are reluctant to report the assault to the authorities, or even to their families.
This is due to the social practices and the conservative cultural of the Middle East. Unlike most women in the other cultures, who are survivors of sexual assault, survivors of sexual assault in the Middle East, lose the honor of the family. Society, and at times, even the family, blame the innocent victim, and hold her accountable for the assailant act. Such types of atmospheres encourage the intention because of the lack of accountability.
Offenders take advantage of the social concepts that women bring honor to the family.
Offenders know with certainty that most women will never report the crime due to social reasons or because women know they lack fair and equal access to the law and courts in the Middle East. There are laws against sexual assault, but if the rapist agrees to marry the victim, the charge(s) will be dropped.
The victims are left in torment to face their destiny alone. Forced to try and heal in a ruthless strict culture where the sanctity of virginity is held in the highest of esteem. Everybody forgets about them. Nobody cares about them. Nobody cares about the victim's rights. Yet, everyone cares about how to sustain and preserve the social habits? And at the expense of a woman who has been brutally violated? How can this be? She is the scapegoat. Society, in their imaginary mind, is protecting the honor of the family. Nobody stops, not even for a moment, and tries to imagine how the victims feel. Not even the legislators!
The legislators, in some countries of the Middle East, wrote laws, making it legal to marry the victim in lieu of charges being brought against him. They took into consideration the preserve the social habits. This shows clear partiality toward the men, even when they are convicted of the most awful brutal crimes, and they completely ignored the rights of the victims. It goes without saying. How could a raped woman accept her rapist to be her life partner by marriage? Really, the legislators have gone too far in oppressing women rights!
A real example of the seriousness, the level of the social and humanitarian crisis, women survivors of sexual assault are facing, is the recent infamous and notable incident, which happened to an innocent, 16 year old, Moroccan girl. She had been raped by her neighbor.
When she came back from school and informed her father, they reported the crime to the authorities. The case went to court, which ended in a court order for her to marrying her rapist. This decision allowed the charges to be dropped against the rapist. Six months later, this innocent girl committed suicide. She had been maltreated in every possible way by her husband (her rapist previously) and his family.
The story of this innocent girl symbolizes and embodies the lack of legal and social protection of women. Her story gave the world a glance of the serious attention needed into laws that protect victim's rights and the dire need for women's shelters and women's services offered through civil society organizations in the Middle East.
Most of the victims will not reveal any information about the aggressions, or the perpetrators, because they know for certain that everyone will stand against them, the legislators, community, and family. No one will support them. Everyone will stand beside the men, even when they are a convicted felon in such a crime.
The women have been taught a long time ago that in this culture, they have too much to lose, while the men are always in a win-win situation. So the victims have to deal with their horrific experience alone. The victims have been left alone in sorrow and submission. That is, if they do not have to comply to the blackmail and the desires of the offenders afterward.
No matter what the demands are.
There are solutions for this dangerous social problem. Some are short term and some are long term but all are sustainable.
First, there needs to be centers and rehabs which offer psychological therapy for the victims. The centers must offer and guarantee the confidentiality of the identity of the victims and their experiences. This is the biggest concern of the victims in the Middle East (their confidentiality). This is just like the centers and rehabs for victims of sexual assaults in the advanced countries.
Second, there needs to be legal reform that offers fair and equal access to law enforcement, courts, and legal process. Countries must annul the law that allows marriage to the victim in lieu of criminal charges. There must be very strict, serious, and consistent legal consequences. There must be no leniency with any convicted felon of rape at the expense of the victim.
There must be a long-term commitment to rape awareness and social education. The innocent girls grow up and become possible targets to assailants. They need to be taught how to protect themselves by being aware, how to spot signs of potentially dangerous men or situations and how to avoid them, their traps or their ambushes.
The statistics refer that very few who commit such crimes are strangers to the victims, while a high percentage refer that the perpetrators of such a crime are an acquaintances, or have been able to earn the trust of the victim through some type of a relationship.
The women who are victims of sexual assault in Middle East need a real, strong support system that will stand for their rights. Besides friends and family, the civil society community organizations, women rights advocates, and human rights advocates are well needed.
There is a real social humanitarian crisis happening right now. Women need every bit of support that can be offered by the legislators, civil society community and humanitarian organizations.
The most common form of sexual assault is the aggression of a man, or a group of men, on one woman. Other common forms of sexual assault are aggression of one man, or group of men, on one man, and the sexual assault of children.
Sexual assault has devastating, long term impacts on the victims. Survivors are physically, emotionally and psychologically traumatized. After the trauma, survivors described feeling, "devastated and broken," being filled with emotional pain, feelings of shame, guilt, self-blame, and helplessness. The psychological trauma has long term impacts on the survivor's life.
The survivors may have trouble trusting people, experience chronic nightmares, and/or have a variety of post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms. The experience of the sexual assault will change the path of the survivor's life forever. The survivor will never be the same person as he/she was before the assault, and will hold an unforgettable agony for the rest of his/her life. That is, if he/she does not commit suicide.
The modern psychological theories presume that there are three motives for the offenders.
First, the assault may be motivated by anger. This is when the offender's intent is to retaliate against the victim for something personal, or because the offender is filled with anger. They find their assault as an outlet to release their anger by humiliating the victims. They use physical violence and profane language to achieve that. For these type of offenders sex is a weapon to defile and degrade the victim.
Second, offenders motivated by power. These types of offenders are trying to compensate their underlying feelings of inadequacy and feed their issues of mastery, control, strength and authority. The intent of these offenders is to assert their power and control the victims.
Third, offenders motivated by sadistic desires. For this type of offenders, sex is associated with anger and power, so that aggression and infliction of pain itself is eroticized. The offenders take pleasure in the victim torment, anguish, distress, helplessness, and suffering.
These offenders may be pushed by one motive, a combination of two, or all of the above.
The offender will plan his assault based on his motives, even if it's subconsciously. In case the aggression, motivated by anger, the offenders will gain the satisfaction by inflicting the damage, distress, and sadness upon the victims. In cases of aggression motivated by power, the offenders may record or videotape the aggression as a way to control and blackmail the victims afterword. In cases where the aggression is motivated by sadism, the victims will rarely survive the attack. Offenders gain the ultimate satisfaction through murdering the victims.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of the women in the Middle East, who are the victims of sexual assault, are reluctant to report the assault to the authorities, or even to their families.
This is due to the social practices and the conservative cultural of the Middle East. Unlike most women in the other cultures, who are survivors of sexual assault, survivors of sexual assault in the Middle East, lose the honor of the family. Society, and at times, even the family, blame the innocent victim, and hold her accountable for the assailant act. Such types of atmospheres encourage the intention because of the lack of accountability.
Offenders take advantage of the social concepts that women bring honor to the family.
Offenders know with certainty that most women will never report the crime due to social reasons or because women know they lack fair and equal access to the law and courts in the Middle East. There are laws against sexual assault, but if the rapist agrees to marry the victim, the charge(s) will be dropped.
The victims are left in torment to face their destiny alone. Forced to try and heal in a ruthless strict culture where the sanctity of virginity is held in the highest of esteem. Everybody forgets about them. Nobody cares about them. Nobody cares about the victim's rights. Yet, everyone cares about how to sustain and preserve the social habits? And at the expense of a woman who has been brutally violated? How can this be? She is the scapegoat. Society, in their imaginary mind, is protecting the honor of the family. Nobody stops, not even for a moment, and tries to imagine how the victims feel. Not even the legislators!
The legislators, in some countries of the Middle East, wrote laws, making it legal to marry the victim in lieu of charges being brought against him. They took into consideration the preserve the social habits. This shows clear partiality toward the men, even when they are convicted of the most awful brutal crimes, and they completely ignored the rights of the victims. It goes without saying. How could a raped woman accept her rapist to be her life partner by marriage? Really, the legislators have gone too far in oppressing women rights!
A real example of the seriousness, the level of the social and humanitarian crisis, women survivors of sexual assault are facing, is the recent infamous and notable incident, which happened to an innocent, 16 year old, Moroccan girl. She had been raped by her neighbor.
When she came back from school and informed her father, they reported the crime to the authorities. The case went to court, which ended in a court order for her to marrying her rapist. This decision allowed the charges to be dropped against the rapist. Six months later, this innocent girl committed suicide. She had been maltreated in every possible way by her husband (her rapist previously) and his family.
The story of this innocent girl symbolizes and embodies the lack of legal and social protection of women. Her story gave the world a glance of the serious attention needed into laws that protect victim's rights and the dire need for women's shelters and women's services offered through civil society organizations in the Middle East.
Most of the victims will not reveal any information about the aggressions, or the perpetrators, because they know for certain that everyone will stand against them, the legislators, community, and family. No one will support them. Everyone will stand beside the men, even when they are a convicted felon in such a crime.
The women have been taught a long time ago that in this culture, they have too much to lose, while the men are always in a win-win situation. So the victims have to deal with their horrific experience alone. The victims have been left alone in sorrow and submission. That is, if they do not have to comply to the blackmail and the desires of the offenders afterward.
No matter what the demands are.
There are solutions for this dangerous social problem. Some are short term and some are long term but all are sustainable.
First, there needs to be centers and rehabs which offer psychological therapy for the victims. The centers must offer and guarantee the confidentiality of the identity of the victims and their experiences. This is the biggest concern of the victims in the Middle East (their confidentiality). This is just like the centers and rehabs for victims of sexual assaults in the advanced countries.
Second, there needs to be legal reform that offers fair and equal access to law enforcement, courts, and legal process. Countries must annul the law that allows marriage to the victim in lieu of criminal charges. There must be very strict, serious, and consistent legal consequences. There must be no leniency with any convicted felon of rape at the expense of the victim.
There must be a long-term commitment to rape awareness and social education. The innocent girls grow up and become possible targets to assailants. They need to be taught how to protect themselves by being aware, how to spot signs of potentially dangerous men or situations and how to avoid them, their traps or their ambushes.
The statistics refer that very few who commit such crimes are strangers to the victims, while a high percentage refer that the perpetrators of such a crime are an acquaintances, or have been able to earn the trust of the victim through some type of a relationship.
The women who are victims of sexual assault in Middle East need a real, strong support system that will stand for their rights. Besides friends and family, the civil society community organizations, women rights advocates, and human rights advocates are well needed.
There is a real social humanitarian crisis happening right now. Women need every bit of support that can be offered by the legislators, civil society community and humanitarian organizations.
You Are Not Flawed, Imperfect or Botched
It's your differences that make you unique and beautiful not how well you fit a prescribed standard of beauty.
Shefinds.com, an online shopping guide, clearly missed this point and the results made me fume!
I subscribe to all kinds of online fashion newsletters to keep up with what's going on in the world of fashion. Recently, I saw a message from shefinds.com entitled, "H&M's Huge Facebook Mistake." Their marketing is brilliant and I was hooked. I couldn't click to the site fast enough to read more.
When I went to the website, the title of the article was, "Is It Just Us or Did H&M Seriously Botch This Poor Girl's Legs In Photoshop?" My sensitivity antenna was immediately activated and I kept reading. They start by saying, "Look closely-the right leg of the model seems to be awkwardly turned inward." They go on adding, "... the model could be a little bow-legged, in which case: that's awesome. It's good to see beautiful women with real imperfections in advertising! Not everyone can wake up FLAWLESS like Beyoncé."
At first read you might think, yeah, you're right. Let's see more real women in advertising.
But then, the subtle message comes through. On one hand they are saying that showing "real imperfections" is "awesome." And, on the other hand they are saying that if she has "real imperfections" then her body looks "botched" and flawed and they pity that "poor girl."
Given the line of work I'm in, and my own personal experience growing up, I am extremely sensitive to this kind of talk. The ramifications are insidious. The more we hear the message that our bodies are botched and imperfect, the more we internalize that and believe it. Every day I hear women speak harshly about their own bodies. If, like most of the women I work with, I ask you what you don't like about how you look, I suspect you can spout an endless torrent of reasons you aren't happy with your body. If I ask you what you like, the list dwindles dramatically.
The last thing you need is someone else cheering you on and at the same time telling you that your body doesn't meet the standards that are prescribed by... by whom!? Celebrities?
The media? Their idea of perfect beauty ultimately infiltrates society so we finally (even after resisting) get the message that there is something wrong with us. But, they add, yay, poor girl, we admire your willingness to venture out into the world, flaws and all.
The impact goes way beyond this article and is exactly why my virtual program has an entire chapter on hurtful comments and unwanted advice. These messages affect you at a deep, soulful level and eventually it is hard to resist and you unwillingly buy into their destructive message.
Although I think Shefinds.com was well intentioned, this type of article comes in the guise of supporting women when, except for the most self-confident woman, it actually undermines their self-acceptance. I know this not only from my work with thousands of women, but also from my own personal experience. I have spent years coming to terms with the fact that I have knocked knees. My legs are different from other women in real life and in magazines.
As a teenager I would sit on the beach with my friends and watch all the women walking by comparing my legs to theirs and looking for someone else who had crooked legs as she walked confidently along the beach. I never saw one, which made me feel even more sensitive about my legs. Finally, years later, I have made peace with them despite the fact that the author of the H&M article considers them imperfect, botched and flawed.
Shefinds.com might believe Beyoncé to be flawless, but what would the world be like if we all looked like Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus or whomever the media has chosen as their latest obsession? Boring, that's what. It is your uniqueness that makes you special and not how much you are the same as everyone else or how well you fit society's vision of beauty.
Finding your own personal vision of beauty is the key to feeling personal satisfaction with how you show up in the world.
Use these two steps to move you closer to that personal goal:
Ginger Burr believes that your image represents the best of you,
not some ideal that makes designers happy. As an expert personal image
consultant working with women from all walks of life, she has crafted a
remarkable process of nurturing your inner beauty and discovering your
personal style. Whether it's the "dynasty" shoulder pad era, the
never-ending confusion of business casual, or the low-rise pant
controversy, she has helped women navigate through (and sometimes
completely ignore!) the styles of the season and feel good about how
they look.Shefinds.com, an online shopping guide, clearly missed this point and the results made me fume!
I subscribe to all kinds of online fashion newsletters to keep up with what's going on in the world of fashion. Recently, I saw a message from shefinds.com entitled, "H&M's Huge Facebook Mistake." Their marketing is brilliant and I was hooked. I couldn't click to the site fast enough to read more.
When I went to the website, the title of the article was, "Is It Just Us or Did H&M Seriously Botch This Poor Girl's Legs In Photoshop?" My sensitivity antenna was immediately activated and I kept reading. They start by saying, "Look closely-the right leg of the model seems to be awkwardly turned inward." They go on adding, "... the model could be a little bow-legged, in which case: that's awesome. It's good to see beautiful women with real imperfections in advertising! Not everyone can wake up FLAWLESS like Beyoncé."
At first read you might think, yeah, you're right. Let's see more real women in advertising.
But then, the subtle message comes through. On one hand they are saying that showing "real imperfections" is "awesome." And, on the other hand they are saying that if she has "real imperfections" then her body looks "botched" and flawed and they pity that "poor girl."
Given the line of work I'm in, and my own personal experience growing up, I am extremely sensitive to this kind of talk. The ramifications are insidious. The more we hear the message that our bodies are botched and imperfect, the more we internalize that and believe it. Every day I hear women speak harshly about their own bodies. If, like most of the women I work with, I ask you what you don't like about how you look, I suspect you can spout an endless torrent of reasons you aren't happy with your body. If I ask you what you like, the list dwindles dramatically.
The last thing you need is someone else cheering you on and at the same time telling you that your body doesn't meet the standards that are prescribed by... by whom!? Celebrities?
The media? Their idea of perfect beauty ultimately infiltrates society so we finally (even after resisting) get the message that there is something wrong with us. But, they add, yay, poor girl, we admire your willingness to venture out into the world, flaws and all.
The impact goes way beyond this article and is exactly why my virtual program has an entire chapter on hurtful comments and unwanted advice. These messages affect you at a deep, soulful level and eventually it is hard to resist and you unwillingly buy into their destructive message.
Although I think Shefinds.com was well intentioned, this type of article comes in the guise of supporting women when, except for the most self-confident woman, it actually undermines their self-acceptance. I know this not only from my work with thousands of women, but also from my own personal experience. I have spent years coming to terms with the fact that I have knocked knees. My legs are different from other women in real life and in magazines.
As a teenager I would sit on the beach with my friends and watch all the women walking by comparing my legs to theirs and looking for someone else who had crooked legs as she walked confidently along the beach. I never saw one, which made me feel even more sensitive about my legs. Finally, years later, I have made peace with them despite the fact that the author of the H&M article considers them imperfect, botched and flawed.
Shefinds.com might believe Beyoncé to be flawless, but what would the world be like if we all looked like Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus or whomever the media has chosen as their latest obsession? Boring, that's what. It is your uniqueness that makes you special and not how much you are the same as everyone else or how well you fit society's vision of beauty.
Finding your own personal vision of beauty is the key to feeling personal satisfaction with how you show up in the world.
Use these two steps to move you closer to that personal goal:
- Find one part of your body that isn't your favorite -- that you wish, because of articles like these, was more like what you think it's supposed to look like rather than how it is. Maybe, like me, it's your legs. Or perhaps your waist, hips, shoulders, bustline or arms. Choose just one.
- Change your perspective. Find something great about this part of your body. For instance, my legs might be crooked, but they are long and that's what I dress for every day. For you, maybe you always feel like your hips are too big. But perhaps, as a result (these two things often go hand in hand) you have a small waist. When you wear something that shows off your waist and your hips you feel curvy and feminine. Or, maybe you feel flat-chested and like your body is shapeless. But then you realize that this allows you to add curves with your clothes and easily wear something strapless or with ruffles, ruching or patterns on your chest without worrying about appearing top heavy.
A notable speaker and leader in the field of fashion and style, Ginger's adroit understanding of beauty trends and fashion has been celebrated by Fox TV News, The Boston Globe, and CNN.com. In addition, Ginger recently launched her body image, self-esteem, and style virtual coaching program "Who Taught You How to Dress?" This innovative program allows women to overcome internal obstacles and learn the practical (as well as soft) skills they need to create a wardrobe they love -- all in the comfort of their own home!
Ginger has distinguished herself in several untapped niches, including her image work with the transgender community and was recently recognized by VegNews Magazine as one of the "25 Most Fascinating Vegetarians" in the world for her innovative and groundbreaking work as a vegan image consultant.
Men - There Is No Honor in Killing The Innocent
My father works as a prominent lawyer in my country in the Middle East.
He never talked about the cases he worked on and I never interfered in
his own business. By coincidence, one day I heard him talking with my
brother about one of the cases he had. This case drew my attention and I
asked my father more information about it. My father had a lawsuit. He
will defend two men in an honor killing crime. The two men were her
father and brother. The girl was sixteen. The men killed her in very
barbarian brutal way. They slit her throat. They waited for this
innocent girl to come back from school, forced her off the school bus,
and in front of all her classmates, killed her.
While we can all agree honor killing is wrong, the irony here is that this young girl did not have any clue about what was going on because she was totally innocent of any wrong doing. Her name is stigmatized with shame, yet she was innocent, purely innocent from all accusations!
Honor killing is an old social habit but it still occurs in the Middle East. Honor killings are a punishment for women who commit adultery, whether they are married or not. It is believed that they must be killed because of the social convention that they brought shame to their families by their immoral behavior and by killing them; their families will purify and cleanse the honor and the respectful reputation of the family.
This article is not about whether or not committing adultery is wrong. This article is about honor killing and the many innocent women who are killed from false accusations. They are legally murdered without any verification about their case, like this innocent girl.
I have been raised in a very conservative culture in the Middle East. I have witnessed many cases of women being accused of adultery, where men use gossips, false allegations and fabricated stories, pictures and/or videos, as evidence to end the woman's life through "honor killing." The women were totally innocent.
Sometimes men use adultery as an excuse to legally justify honor killings. In conservative Middle Eastern culture, when a woman rejects a man, his reaction is hostility, rage and he wants revenge. He will do what is called "character assassination." This gossip will tarnish her reputation and he hopes the gossip will reach her relatives.
I have witnessed many women who were killed based only on gossip, false allegations, fabricated pictures or videos, and unfortunately the relatives, the ones who execute the punishment, never investigate or question the allegations. They never question if the gossip is true or not. Women are not given the chance to defend themselves. I have so many tragic stories of innocent women being killed through honor killing.
Many men do not have any deterrent from killing any woman who they think brought shame to the family. Honor killing is blessed by the family, community, and ignored from any kind of legal penalty and government authorities. If the government authorities, or the law enforcement, act in a more strict way, it will reduce the killing of innocent women, and hold the perpetrators accountable for their actions.
Currently, perpetrators are released from prison after a few weeks or months. Law enforcement, government officials and the community believe the man's actions were justified and the consequence of short term imprisonment is sufficient. Society supports the practice of defending and protecting the honor of the family.
Men in the Middle East have been raised to be oversensitive about the honor of the family. This honor embodies and counts on the women's respectful and moral behavior. It is a cultural belief that women should never have sexual relationships or physical intimacy before marriage.
This is how culture in the Middle East is. It's how people have been raised. However, men in this culture forget something that is extremely important - women are humans. Women are not devoid of emotions. Women have needs just like men. Emotional, psychological and physical needs. Women, like men, need to have partners in their life. Otherwise, they will feel unbalanced.
It is not invitation for demoralizing women or an encouragement for women to become involved in any wrongdoing. It is an invitation for both genders to understand that we are equal. We have equal needs. Men, it is time to stop behaving in a radical manner.
With the support of the community, we can change what is happening in most of the Middle
Eastern countries. There must be serious, sustainable legal and law enforcement action. Justice must be served to those who commit honor killings. There must be a democratic and fair legal system. Honor killings must be abolished. Our social standards must advance.
Courts must demand solid proof of any and all accusations, especially those against the women, and punishments must be consistent with international human rights standards. Those who seek to arbitrarily harm another must face legal consequences.
While we can all agree honor killing is wrong, the irony here is that this young girl did not have any clue about what was going on because she was totally innocent of any wrong doing. Her name is stigmatized with shame, yet she was innocent, purely innocent from all accusations!
Honor killing is an old social habit but it still occurs in the Middle East. Honor killings are a punishment for women who commit adultery, whether they are married or not. It is believed that they must be killed because of the social convention that they brought shame to their families by their immoral behavior and by killing them; their families will purify and cleanse the honor and the respectful reputation of the family.
This article is not about whether or not committing adultery is wrong. This article is about honor killing and the many innocent women who are killed from false accusations. They are legally murdered without any verification about their case, like this innocent girl.
I have been raised in a very conservative culture in the Middle East. I have witnessed many cases of women being accused of adultery, where men use gossips, false allegations and fabricated stories, pictures and/or videos, as evidence to end the woman's life through "honor killing." The women were totally innocent.
Sometimes men use adultery as an excuse to legally justify honor killings. In conservative Middle Eastern culture, when a woman rejects a man, his reaction is hostility, rage and he wants revenge. He will do what is called "character assassination." This gossip will tarnish her reputation and he hopes the gossip will reach her relatives.
I have witnessed many women who were killed based only on gossip, false allegations, fabricated pictures or videos, and unfortunately the relatives, the ones who execute the punishment, never investigate or question the allegations. They never question if the gossip is true or not. Women are not given the chance to defend themselves. I have so many tragic stories of innocent women being killed through honor killing.
Many men do not have any deterrent from killing any woman who they think brought shame to the family. Honor killing is blessed by the family, community, and ignored from any kind of legal penalty and government authorities. If the government authorities, or the law enforcement, act in a more strict way, it will reduce the killing of innocent women, and hold the perpetrators accountable for their actions.
Currently, perpetrators are released from prison after a few weeks or months. Law enforcement, government officials and the community believe the man's actions were justified and the consequence of short term imprisonment is sufficient. Society supports the practice of defending and protecting the honor of the family.
Men in the Middle East have been raised to be oversensitive about the honor of the family. This honor embodies and counts on the women's respectful and moral behavior. It is a cultural belief that women should never have sexual relationships or physical intimacy before marriage.
This is how culture in the Middle East is. It's how people have been raised. However, men in this culture forget something that is extremely important - women are humans. Women are not devoid of emotions. Women have needs just like men. Emotional, psychological and physical needs. Women, like men, need to have partners in their life. Otherwise, they will feel unbalanced.
It is not invitation for demoralizing women or an encouragement for women to become involved in any wrongdoing. It is an invitation for both genders to understand that we are equal. We have equal needs. Men, it is time to stop behaving in a radical manner.
With the support of the community, we can change what is happening in most of the Middle
Eastern countries. There must be serious, sustainable legal and law enforcement action. Justice must be served to those who commit honor killings. There must be a democratic and fair legal system. Honor killings must be abolished. Our social standards must advance.
Courts must demand solid proof of any and all accusations, especially those against the women, and punishments must be consistent with international human rights standards. Those who seek to arbitrarily harm another must face legal consequences.
5 Ways to Celebrate International Women's Day
Every year, on March 8, the celebration of International Women's Day
takes place around the world. In some areas, the celebration tends to
focus on the achievements of women, including their political, economic
and social achievements. In other areas, it is seen as more of a general
celebration which is designed to engender love, appreciation and
respect to women around the world. Regardless of where you live in the
world, however, it is a day that should be commemorated. Here are some
ways for you to do so which will help to bring out the flavor of the
celebration and to provide recognition for women on this special day.
Wear a Purple Ribbon - Purple ribbons are worn for a wide variety of causes, from ADD and ADHD to Alzheimer's disease, anti-gay bullying and adoption awareness. It is also the color ribbon that is associated with international woman's day. In 1990, The Purple Ribbon Campaign was initiated by the Woman's Action Coalition of Nova Scotia. The original purpose of wearing a purple ribbon was to remember all women who died violently and in particular, 14 women who died on December 6, 1989 in Montréal, something which has become known as the Montréal massacre. By wearing a purple ribbon, you help to raise awareness of violence against women, which is certainly a worthy cause.
Help Spread the Word - Rather than letting this day pass by silently, get involved and help to spread the word about this international celebration. One of the ways that you can do so is by submitting stories to media outlets. You can also use a variety of promotional materials that can be downloaded and printed to promote this day in your organization or through a variety of other outlets.
Join me on a Bridge - This unique campaign was started by women in Rwanda and in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. They met on a bridge, joining the two countries together to signify the peace that was possible when women joined forces. From those humble beginnings, the join me on a bridge campaign has spread worldwide. Among the different parts of the world which will celebrate in this campaign are San Francisco, Boston, London, New York and Toronto. Of course, you do not need to live in those areas to take part in this event. Start a join me on the bridge campaign in your area.
Go Braless - Many petite women like to signify their unity with other women by going braless on international woman's day. This is not something that needs to be distasteful. It can help to signify your desire to be free of the bonds that have held women in suppression for centuries.
Start Something Online - People have become interconnected through social media in ways that were not possible just a few short years ago. Why not take advantage of that connection and raise awareness for international woman's day through Facebook, Twitter and other social media outlets? This can be done with a simple post or by starting a game, such as the Half the Sky Movement Facebook game. It is designed to raise funds and awareness for women worldwide.
Wear a Purple Ribbon - Purple ribbons are worn for a wide variety of causes, from ADD and ADHD to Alzheimer's disease, anti-gay bullying and adoption awareness. It is also the color ribbon that is associated with international woman's day. In 1990, The Purple Ribbon Campaign was initiated by the Woman's Action Coalition of Nova Scotia. The original purpose of wearing a purple ribbon was to remember all women who died violently and in particular, 14 women who died on December 6, 1989 in Montréal, something which has become known as the Montréal massacre. By wearing a purple ribbon, you help to raise awareness of violence against women, which is certainly a worthy cause.
Help Spread the Word - Rather than letting this day pass by silently, get involved and help to spread the word about this international celebration. One of the ways that you can do so is by submitting stories to media outlets. You can also use a variety of promotional materials that can be downloaded and printed to promote this day in your organization or through a variety of other outlets.
Join me on a Bridge - This unique campaign was started by women in Rwanda and in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. They met on a bridge, joining the two countries together to signify the peace that was possible when women joined forces. From those humble beginnings, the join me on a bridge campaign has spread worldwide. Among the different parts of the world which will celebrate in this campaign are San Francisco, Boston, London, New York and Toronto. Of course, you do not need to live in those areas to take part in this event. Start a join me on the bridge campaign in your area.
Go Braless - Many petite women like to signify their unity with other women by going braless on international woman's day. This is not something that needs to be distasteful. It can help to signify your desire to be free of the bonds that have held women in suppression for centuries.
Start Something Online - People have become interconnected through social media in ways that were not possible just a few short years ago. Why not take advantage of that connection and raise awareness for international woman's day through Facebook, Twitter and other social media outlets? This can be done with a simple post or by starting a game, such as the Half the Sky Movement Facebook game. It is designed to raise funds and awareness for women worldwide.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Heavy Drinking Among College Women Leading To Better Condom Use
People always get panicky when it comes to young women and sex, but
throw alcohol and drugs into the mix and you've got some serious,
widespread hysteria going on.
But recent statistics show us there's little to fear, and actually, quite a bit to be hopeful for. A year-long study found that young women are much better about using condoms after they've been drinking or smoking marijuana- both better than what was previously thought and their male sexual partners [Certain].
Around 70% of sexual acts taken after drinking involved a condom, whereas only 59% of those sober were [Walsh]. Even in instances where four or more alcoholic beverages were consumed, college girls were still adamant about protection. Let's face it: no one wants to take Plan B while hung-over, right?
Has there been a revolution in the way college kids view and use condoms? Does it have something to do with how easy it is to access condoms on college campuses these days?
Previous studies have found that students are either reluctant or ignorant about safe sex.
But that doesn't seem to be the case anymore- now, it's almost expected, whether intoxicated or not, that a condom be involved in the act. The study even found was that for some young women, particularly those who were Asian and Asian-American, drinking may have even made them bolder in requesting that their partners use a condom [Walsh].
Young women who smoked marijuana before or during a sexual act were also more likely to use a condom than during smoke-free acts- 67% of women having sex while high used condoms, as opposed to the 61% who did while not smoking [Walsh]. This is not significant enough to make a huge difference, although women who engaged in sex with a steady relationship partner while high were much less-likely to use a condom than almost every other group.
In fact, whether or not the relationship was steady or casual was the biggest indicator of whether or not proper protection was used, far more than any substance use. Those who engaged in relationships with a steady partner were more relaxed about condom usage.
Many were using other forms of contraception, and no doubt figured they could forgo the latex with a partner they trusted. But those sexual encounters that took place with a new person or a casual relationship weren't as trusting. Wisely so. We've mentioned previously that nearly 1 in 4 college students have contracted an STD or STI at some point.
While it does make us hopeful that young people are moving in a safe direction, more studies should be done before any hypothesis about drinking and condom usage are considered proven. Since this particular one only examined young women at a northeastern university with an already high rate of condom use, a survey of different schools around the country that have different types of safe sex programs may yield far different results, as could examining a group of young men, or women who are not in college. But we are looking forward to a brighter future with young people who know when to wrap it.
-
[Walsh, Jennifer L.; Fielder, Robyn; Carey, Kate B.; Carey, Michael P. Journal of Sex Research (2013): Do Alcohol and Marijuana Use Decrease the Probability of Condom Use for College Women?]
But recent statistics show us there's little to fear, and actually, quite a bit to be hopeful for. A year-long study found that young women are much better about using condoms after they've been drinking or smoking marijuana- both better than what was previously thought and their male sexual partners [Certain].
Around 70% of sexual acts taken after drinking involved a condom, whereas only 59% of those sober were [Walsh]. Even in instances where four or more alcoholic beverages were consumed, college girls were still adamant about protection. Let's face it: no one wants to take Plan B while hung-over, right?
Has there been a revolution in the way college kids view and use condoms? Does it have something to do with how easy it is to access condoms on college campuses these days?
Previous studies have found that students are either reluctant or ignorant about safe sex.
But that doesn't seem to be the case anymore- now, it's almost expected, whether intoxicated or not, that a condom be involved in the act. The study even found was that for some young women, particularly those who were Asian and Asian-American, drinking may have even made them bolder in requesting that their partners use a condom [Walsh].
Young women who smoked marijuana before or during a sexual act were also more likely to use a condom than during smoke-free acts- 67% of women having sex while high used condoms, as opposed to the 61% who did while not smoking [Walsh]. This is not significant enough to make a huge difference, although women who engaged in sex with a steady relationship partner while high were much less-likely to use a condom than almost every other group.
In fact, whether or not the relationship was steady or casual was the biggest indicator of whether or not proper protection was used, far more than any substance use. Those who engaged in relationships with a steady partner were more relaxed about condom usage.
Many were using other forms of contraception, and no doubt figured they could forgo the latex with a partner they trusted. But those sexual encounters that took place with a new person or a casual relationship weren't as trusting. Wisely so. We've mentioned previously that nearly 1 in 4 college students have contracted an STD or STI at some point.
While it does make us hopeful that young people are moving in a safe direction, more studies should be done before any hypothesis about drinking and condom usage are considered proven. Since this particular one only examined young women at a northeastern university with an already high rate of condom use, a survey of different schools around the country that have different types of safe sex programs may yield far different results, as could examining a group of young men, or women who are not in college. But we are looking forward to a brighter future with young people who know when to wrap it.
-
[Walsh, Jennifer L.; Fielder, Robyn; Carey, Kate B.; Carey, Michael P. Journal of Sex Research (2013): Do Alcohol and Marijuana Use Decrease the Probability of Condom Use for College Women?]
Have Your Children Involved In Crafting By Using A Self Healing Cutting Mat
The arts and craft
past time is a superb hobby to be in. It's not only relaxing it also
can help you get those brain cells working. In addition, it provides you
with that feeling of fulfillment by constructing something from
nothing. Because of these and several other reasons, this interest is
something that anyone especially boys and girls can benefit from.
It's certainly lovely to have you and your little ones develop something simply by working together. It can actually enable you to get much closer and develop your connection. By doing this you could also help get your little ones away from their devices occasionally.
To help you achieve a good and safe crafting session, below are some tips that could come in handy.
Use a self healing cutting mat
That is correct, you read it right. I recommend that you obtain a self healing cutting mat and not those ordinary hard kinds. The reason behind this is that self healing cutting mats is able to offer your household furniture ideal protection and it also last longer. Additionally, it is really friendly to cutting blades. This means that the dulling of your cutters can be reduced considerably reducing the actual need to buy and swap it.
Another reason why I propose you a self healing mat is because of its self healing capabilities. My kids really like to slice and see the mat seal itself.
Be presently there for your kids
In the event you're gonna be performing some arts and crafts then be sure that you're both mentally and physically there for your youngster. If you're too tied up then it might not be the correct idea to start with the crafting session yet. Your young ones may need your support and help throughout the project. Please remember that the reason why you're doing this is to connect and create a good relationship with them.
It's the quest not really the end point
Seeing that you're working with youngsters the end result of the project are probably not really how you envisioned it to be. If you notice your kids working on something not to your preference don't grab the project and do it on their behalf. Provide assistance and instruct them how. Keep in mind the important factor is the time you spent together with each other and not the result of the activity.
Enjoy it
Do not forget that the whole objective of the activity is to have a great time. Regardless how the project turns out or if you or your little one made a number of errors it's about having fun.
Make the actual experience special and precious, this way your kids will continue to like carrying this pastime along with you.
I hope that you find these guidelines beneficial when you are crafting with your youngsters.
Be sure to really have fun and take pleasure in the time with your children. Also, always remember to utilize a top quality cutting mat when you are crafting.
It's certainly lovely to have you and your little ones develop something simply by working together. It can actually enable you to get much closer and develop your connection. By doing this you could also help get your little ones away from their devices occasionally.
To help you achieve a good and safe crafting session, below are some tips that could come in handy.
Use a self healing cutting mat
That is correct, you read it right. I recommend that you obtain a self healing cutting mat and not those ordinary hard kinds. The reason behind this is that self healing cutting mats is able to offer your household furniture ideal protection and it also last longer. Additionally, it is really friendly to cutting blades. This means that the dulling of your cutters can be reduced considerably reducing the actual need to buy and swap it.
Another reason why I propose you a self healing mat is because of its self healing capabilities. My kids really like to slice and see the mat seal itself.
Be presently there for your kids
In the event you're gonna be performing some arts and crafts then be sure that you're both mentally and physically there for your youngster. If you're too tied up then it might not be the correct idea to start with the crafting session yet. Your young ones may need your support and help throughout the project. Please remember that the reason why you're doing this is to connect and create a good relationship with them.
It's the quest not really the end point
Seeing that you're working with youngsters the end result of the project are probably not really how you envisioned it to be. If you notice your kids working on something not to your preference don't grab the project and do it on their behalf. Provide assistance and instruct them how. Keep in mind the important factor is the time you spent together with each other and not the result of the activity.
Enjoy it
Do not forget that the whole objective of the activity is to have a great time. Regardless how the project turns out or if you or your little one made a number of errors it's about having fun.
Make the actual experience special and precious, this way your kids will continue to like carrying this pastime along with you.
I hope that you find these guidelines beneficial when you are crafting with your youngsters.
Be sure to really have fun and take pleasure in the time with your children. Also, always remember to utilize a top quality cutting mat when you are crafting.
Why Women Still Can't Have It All
In 2012, Princeton University
professor Anne-Marie Slaughter wrote an article that attracted
attention from all around the world. Why did her article attract so much
attention? Instead of spreading the falsehood that women can have it
all, Slaughter boldly told the truth. She said women can't have it all.
As women, we tell ourselves that we can have both a family and a career if we are committed enough, dedicated enough, hardworking enough, have a partner who helps out at home, or if we delay having children. Slaughter says while these aren't lies, they are partial truths at best. They are partial truths because barriers and flaws exist in our world that continue to hold women back making it impossible for women to have it all.
Slaughter believes we must clear stories like these out of the way in order to make room for more honest and productive discussions. Instead of spreading myths that keep barriers and flaws intact, we need to talk about real solutions to the problems faced by women who work today.
As women, we are blessed to have been born when we were. Our mothers and grandmothers were expected to get married, stay home and raise their kids. Those who wanted a career outside the home faced many challenges including overt sexism. These women knew the only way to succeed in their career was to act like a man and to never talk about their children while at work.
While we've seen many improvements since these early days of feminism, we still have many challenges ahead. While women today are paid more than in previous generations, graduate from university in record numbers, hold more leadership positions and enjoy more prestige than ever before, men continue to dominate the highest paying jobs and most top-level leadership positions. Many women today are single mothers and others struggle to find jobs. Some support husbands who cannot find work and others struggle to find quality daycare they can afford. The very few women who make it to the top of their organizations have to be superwomen to get there. They make enormous personal sacrifices and work extremely hard in order to overcome the barriers and ceilings that stand in their way.
Companies are beginning to realize that when they make changes to enhance work life for women, these changes actually improve work life for all employees. Studies show that when companies have good family-friendly policies like flexible work hours, job sharing, on-site daycares and the ability to occasionally work from home, they are able to attract better talent and this raises productivity. Creativity experts say that connecting play and imagination in the workplace is important too, in order to unleash creativity in employees. Companies like Google have embraced this idea. They encourage play with Ping-Pong tables, light sabers, and policies that allow employees to work on whatever they wish one day a week.
Economists Justin Wolfers and Betsey Stevenson report that women are less happy today than they were in 1972. They call this the paradox of declining female happiness. They say this "unhappiness difference" creates a new gender gap that isn't measured by salary but is measured by well-being and happiness instead. They believe the best way to improve the lot of all women is to close the leadership gap. They say that only when women hold power in ample numbers will we create a society that authentically works for all women. And a society that authentically works for all women, they insist, will authentically work for everyone.
We are all out of work-life balance. We are busy and stressed beyond belief. There are never enough hours in the day and we find it impossible to do all the things we know we should. We don't sleep enough or exercise enough, we have significant demands from our jobs, we feel the pressure that comes with raising children, and our children themselves lead increasingly busy lives. We know there are huge emotional and health costs to this lifestyle, yet we keep running hard because we don't know how to stop.
In an article called The Great Burnout, author Maryam Sanati writes that the 12-hour workday used to be the exception, but now it's the norm. Sylvia Ann Hewlett and Carolyn Buck Luce, both of Columbia University, say we have become "extreme workers." Jeff Muzzerall, former director of the MBA Corporate Connections Center at the Rotman School of Management at the University of Toronto, says that a devotion to endless workdays has become culturally ingrained.
Because we are out of balance, our world is out of balance too. Gaps continue to grow between the rich and the poor, and food and water crises are rising. More than a billion people are starving, yet a billion and a half adults are overweight and half the food produced in the United States is thrown away. Our current methods of mass food production through factory farming, along with an overuse of antibiotics and pesticides, are making people and the environment sick. We are in a time of worldwide economic meltdown. We are increasingly dependent on oil, have experienced a massive erosion in public trust, and our planet is ecologically imperiled. Our weather patterns are intensifying as we experience hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, droughts, snow, ice storms, and floods of unbelievable severity. Violence, war and terrorism are "normal" ways of life.
Slaughter tells us that seeking a more balanced life is not a women's issue, it's an issue for all of us. Change is possible but we need to rethink how we live, work and even play. We need to create new structures and systems that are balanced, practical and grounded, empowered and empowering. For example, Deborah Epstein Henry, a former litigator for a large law firm says that the billable hour, the way the legal system charges for its services, has "perverted" the legal industry, leading to excessive work hours, massive inefficiency and highly inflated costs. The answer, she contends, is a combination of alternative fee structures, virtual firms, female-owned firms and the outsourcing of certain legal jobs to other areas. Women and younger lawyers are beginning to push for these changes.
Clients who are tired of inflated legal fees are demanding change as well.
If women are going to achieve real equality and help to create a better world for everyone, we must stop accepting traditional male behaviour and traditional male choices as the ideal. Slaughter reminds us that our behaviour and our choices as women matter too.
In order to create a better world, men will need to begin to ask how they can manage a better work-life balance just as women have always done. They too will need to figure out how to balance active parenthood with their professional careers.
If we have these conversations and if we encourage women to take on more active leadership positions, together we'll create a world that will properly focus on how to help everyone lead happy, healthy and productive lives.
Then and only then will we be able to rebalance ourselves and the world.
Then and only then will women (and men) truly be able to have it all.
As women, we tell ourselves that we can have both a family and a career if we are committed enough, dedicated enough, hardworking enough, have a partner who helps out at home, or if we delay having children. Slaughter says while these aren't lies, they are partial truths at best. They are partial truths because barriers and flaws exist in our world that continue to hold women back making it impossible for women to have it all.
Slaughter believes we must clear stories like these out of the way in order to make room for more honest and productive discussions. Instead of spreading myths that keep barriers and flaws intact, we need to talk about real solutions to the problems faced by women who work today.
As women, we are blessed to have been born when we were. Our mothers and grandmothers were expected to get married, stay home and raise their kids. Those who wanted a career outside the home faced many challenges including overt sexism. These women knew the only way to succeed in their career was to act like a man and to never talk about their children while at work.
While we've seen many improvements since these early days of feminism, we still have many challenges ahead. While women today are paid more than in previous generations, graduate from university in record numbers, hold more leadership positions and enjoy more prestige than ever before, men continue to dominate the highest paying jobs and most top-level leadership positions. Many women today are single mothers and others struggle to find jobs. Some support husbands who cannot find work and others struggle to find quality daycare they can afford. The very few women who make it to the top of their organizations have to be superwomen to get there. They make enormous personal sacrifices and work extremely hard in order to overcome the barriers and ceilings that stand in their way.
Companies are beginning to realize that when they make changes to enhance work life for women, these changes actually improve work life for all employees. Studies show that when companies have good family-friendly policies like flexible work hours, job sharing, on-site daycares and the ability to occasionally work from home, they are able to attract better talent and this raises productivity. Creativity experts say that connecting play and imagination in the workplace is important too, in order to unleash creativity in employees. Companies like Google have embraced this idea. They encourage play with Ping-Pong tables, light sabers, and policies that allow employees to work on whatever they wish one day a week.
Economists Justin Wolfers and Betsey Stevenson report that women are less happy today than they were in 1972. They call this the paradox of declining female happiness. They say this "unhappiness difference" creates a new gender gap that isn't measured by salary but is measured by well-being and happiness instead. They believe the best way to improve the lot of all women is to close the leadership gap. They say that only when women hold power in ample numbers will we create a society that authentically works for all women. And a society that authentically works for all women, they insist, will authentically work for everyone.
We are all out of work-life balance. We are busy and stressed beyond belief. There are never enough hours in the day and we find it impossible to do all the things we know we should. We don't sleep enough or exercise enough, we have significant demands from our jobs, we feel the pressure that comes with raising children, and our children themselves lead increasingly busy lives. We know there are huge emotional and health costs to this lifestyle, yet we keep running hard because we don't know how to stop.
In an article called The Great Burnout, author Maryam Sanati writes that the 12-hour workday used to be the exception, but now it's the norm. Sylvia Ann Hewlett and Carolyn Buck Luce, both of Columbia University, say we have become "extreme workers." Jeff Muzzerall, former director of the MBA Corporate Connections Center at the Rotman School of Management at the University of Toronto, says that a devotion to endless workdays has become culturally ingrained.
Because we are out of balance, our world is out of balance too. Gaps continue to grow between the rich and the poor, and food and water crises are rising. More than a billion people are starving, yet a billion and a half adults are overweight and half the food produced in the United States is thrown away. Our current methods of mass food production through factory farming, along with an overuse of antibiotics and pesticides, are making people and the environment sick. We are in a time of worldwide economic meltdown. We are increasingly dependent on oil, have experienced a massive erosion in public trust, and our planet is ecologically imperiled. Our weather patterns are intensifying as we experience hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, droughts, snow, ice storms, and floods of unbelievable severity. Violence, war and terrorism are "normal" ways of life.
Slaughter tells us that seeking a more balanced life is not a women's issue, it's an issue for all of us. Change is possible but we need to rethink how we live, work and even play. We need to create new structures and systems that are balanced, practical and grounded, empowered and empowering. For example, Deborah Epstein Henry, a former litigator for a large law firm says that the billable hour, the way the legal system charges for its services, has "perverted" the legal industry, leading to excessive work hours, massive inefficiency and highly inflated costs. The answer, she contends, is a combination of alternative fee structures, virtual firms, female-owned firms and the outsourcing of certain legal jobs to other areas. Women and younger lawyers are beginning to push for these changes.
Clients who are tired of inflated legal fees are demanding change as well.
If women are going to achieve real equality and help to create a better world for everyone, we must stop accepting traditional male behaviour and traditional male choices as the ideal. Slaughter reminds us that our behaviour and our choices as women matter too.
In order to create a better world, men will need to begin to ask how they can manage a better work-life balance just as women have always done. They too will need to figure out how to balance active parenthood with their professional careers.
If we have these conversations and if we encourage women to take on more active leadership positions, together we'll create a world that will properly focus on how to help everyone lead happy, healthy and productive lives.
Then and only then will we be able to rebalance ourselves and the world.
Then and only then will women (and men) truly be able to have it all.
Debbie L. Kasman is author of the book Lotus of the Heart: Reshaping the Human and Collective Soul and she blogs weekly about topics that pertain to spirituality, education and female leadership.
Ancient Goddess Stories Are Important Today
Many people have heard or read Greek and Roman
goddess myths in literature classes or as part of modern fiction. Yet
many of us are completely unaware of the thousands of goddess stories
that have been told in cultures around the world from a few millennia
ago to current day. These stories have persisted because they have
important lessons about basic human needs and conditions. They also open
our hearts to recognizing the importance of the divine feminine spirit
in a world often dominated by masculine energy.
When I first began leading groups of women and girls to explore ancient feminine myths (so many moons ago!), I was amazed at the depth of meaning and value we found in these remarkable stories. Layer upon layer of understanding led to personal reflection and growth.
Each girl and every woman connected with a different part of the story. Sometimes it was a particular character and other times the location where a story took place; and in a few instances, it was an animal or another non-human aspect to the story.
Hearing a myth told by a "carrier" of the stories who has known and loved that story and pondered its meaning over time is especially delicious! We have an innate connection to these myths, bound by loving threads in a nurturing sisterhood that transcends space and time. We can "pick up our thread" and tap into the vast wisdom it connects to whenever we decide it is time... Through goddess myths:
#1 We can learn about the values of lands we may never visit and people we may never know - yet they hold Universal Truths that can be applied to our own individual lives. When Kuan Yin's father wants her to marry for social status, Kuan Yin chooses instead to follow her heart into a destined path of service. Kuan Yin stories from the Chinese Buddhist tradition have produced a divine feminine presence revered throughout many countries as "she who hears the cries of the world."
#2 We can see that even the most proficient amongst us encounters challenges (for goddesses often possess super-powers, yet they still face challenges) and it is through those challenges that they (and we) are shaped into the very best yet-to-be. Rhiannon, the Celtic goddess of birds and horses, experienced a remarkable challenge which, in the end, gave her strength to not ever discount her belief in herself.
#3 We learn that human emotions are the same no matter what the culture or where or when they are felt. Sometimes we must continue, knowing that "this too shall pass." Imanja, Brazilian goddess of the ocean is known as "she who endures," because she was brought from Africa with the slave trade and continued to guide her people as they struggled through hundreds of years of mistreatment.
#4 Goddess stories offer us great examples of a moral feminine code to live by. When Amaterasu is repeatedly disrespected by her brother Susanowo, instead of lashing out she retreats into a cave to get others to take action. In the end, Amaterasu, the Shinto Sun Goddess gets a lot of attention because the withdrawal of her beautiful light is sorely missed!
I have shared these stories with special needs girls, mothers and daughters, and women felons in the county jail. The meaning of the stories continues to stir long after the story has been told... So settle in... make yourself comfortable. And let me tell you a story!
When I first began leading groups of women and girls to explore ancient feminine myths (so many moons ago!), I was amazed at the depth of meaning and value we found in these remarkable stories. Layer upon layer of understanding led to personal reflection and growth.
Each girl and every woman connected with a different part of the story. Sometimes it was a particular character and other times the location where a story took place; and in a few instances, it was an animal or another non-human aspect to the story.
Hearing a myth told by a "carrier" of the stories who has known and loved that story and pondered its meaning over time is especially delicious! We have an innate connection to these myths, bound by loving threads in a nurturing sisterhood that transcends space and time. We can "pick up our thread" and tap into the vast wisdom it connects to whenever we decide it is time... Through goddess myths:
#1 We can learn about the values of lands we may never visit and people we may never know - yet they hold Universal Truths that can be applied to our own individual lives. When Kuan Yin's father wants her to marry for social status, Kuan Yin chooses instead to follow her heart into a destined path of service. Kuan Yin stories from the Chinese Buddhist tradition have produced a divine feminine presence revered throughout many countries as "she who hears the cries of the world."
#2 We can see that even the most proficient amongst us encounters challenges (for goddesses often possess super-powers, yet they still face challenges) and it is through those challenges that they (and we) are shaped into the very best yet-to-be. Rhiannon, the Celtic goddess of birds and horses, experienced a remarkable challenge which, in the end, gave her strength to not ever discount her belief in herself.
#3 We learn that human emotions are the same no matter what the culture or where or when they are felt. Sometimes we must continue, knowing that "this too shall pass." Imanja, Brazilian goddess of the ocean is known as "she who endures," because she was brought from Africa with the slave trade and continued to guide her people as they struggled through hundreds of years of mistreatment.
#4 Goddess stories offer us great examples of a moral feminine code to live by. When Amaterasu is repeatedly disrespected by her brother Susanowo, instead of lashing out she retreats into a cave to get others to take action. In the end, Amaterasu, the Shinto Sun Goddess gets a lot of attention because the withdrawal of her beautiful light is sorely missed!
I have shared these stories with special needs girls, mothers and daughters, and women felons in the county jail. The meaning of the stories continues to stir long after the story has been told... So settle in... make yourself comfortable. And let me tell you a story!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Tips On Exciting And Different Valentine Gifts For Her
If you're in the market for the perfect valentine gifts
for her, you must look into giving completely unique gifts that make
for life long memories. Don't even think about the usual presents like
gourmet chocolates or roses. You should be a good deal more resourceful
by looking at other resources apart from the more common choices like
earrings, watches, dinner out and a bouquet of flowers. Experience gifts end up being more treasured and enjoyable.
Experience gifts help make dreams be realized and you can now see your partner's wishes become real life through a valentine's present. For instance, if your special lady or wife has wanted to go on a ride on a boat, you can have it setup and also make the experience more significant. Get a chef create her favorite meal and delight in dinner with your sweetheart while the vessel cruises across the bay.
Gals like eating out and you can now make this kind of night out special by choosing a special upscale location like a hotel. Be sure that the hotel you decide on is recognized to serve fine food and actually serves the dishes your lady would want to eat. You might at the same time arrange a nice room for the night to head up to right after dinner. Get yourself a baby sitter for the evening so that the both of you can cherish valentine's day.
If you have an athletic girlfriend, she may be attracted to extreme sports like drag racing or kite-surfing. Give your partner free lessons for a the activity of her choice. This is something the majority of active ladies are rarely getting to experience very often possibly due to career or family limits. A day doing sporting activities is exhilarating and will be an amazing experience for your love.
If intense sports are not on your loved one's bucket list, she may like to try something a bit less physically demanding like playing golf. Get her a few lessons at the local golf course and then see if she gets an understanding for the game of golf. Your gal or better half might want to keep on trying to learn and actively playing the sport and this would be a good time to purchase her a nice set of clubs.
For ladies with a bit more daring pursuits, look into gifting her with flying lessons. Flying is a popular wish for lots of people, both men and women. By giving her the chance to experience flying on her own, you will have accomplished a life time dream. Flying instruction should always be given by pro instructors.
Find out about instructional classes that will get her flying as quickly as possible.
Who knows, your gal might want to have a shot at driving around an actual race track. See whether you can get a professional race car driver to teach her how to handle an authentic race car. After a couple of laps, she may be driving around a race track like a pro driver. This type of gift isn't just for men and your significant other may possibly love to do this for even just one day.
These are a handful of Valentine's gifts for her that can generate unforgettable memories. Valentine's day this February could very well be completely different from the others, by simply creating a truly distinctive experience for your loved one. Not all fellas can make this kind of impact on Valentine's day with standard presents like a bouquet of flowers and chocolates.
Experience gifts help make dreams be realized and you can now see your partner's wishes become real life through a valentine's present. For instance, if your special lady or wife has wanted to go on a ride on a boat, you can have it setup and also make the experience more significant. Get a chef create her favorite meal and delight in dinner with your sweetheart while the vessel cruises across the bay.
Gals like eating out and you can now make this kind of night out special by choosing a special upscale location like a hotel. Be sure that the hotel you decide on is recognized to serve fine food and actually serves the dishes your lady would want to eat. You might at the same time arrange a nice room for the night to head up to right after dinner. Get yourself a baby sitter for the evening so that the both of you can cherish valentine's day.
If you have an athletic girlfriend, she may be attracted to extreme sports like drag racing or kite-surfing. Give your partner free lessons for a the activity of her choice. This is something the majority of active ladies are rarely getting to experience very often possibly due to career or family limits. A day doing sporting activities is exhilarating and will be an amazing experience for your love.
If intense sports are not on your loved one's bucket list, she may like to try something a bit less physically demanding like playing golf. Get her a few lessons at the local golf course and then see if she gets an understanding for the game of golf. Your gal or better half might want to keep on trying to learn and actively playing the sport and this would be a good time to purchase her a nice set of clubs.
For ladies with a bit more daring pursuits, look into gifting her with flying lessons. Flying is a popular wish for lots of people, both men and women. By giving her the chance to experience flying on her own, you will have accomplished a life time dream. Flying instruction should always be given by pro instructors.
Find out about instructional classes that will get her flying as quickly as possible.
Who knows, your gal might want to have a shot at driving around an actual race track. See whether you can get a professional race car driver to teach her how to handle an authentic race car. After a couple of laps, she may be driving around a race track like a pro driver. This type of gift isn't just for men and your significant other may possibly love to do this for even just one day.
These are a handful of Valentine's gifts for her that can generate unforgettable memories. Valentine's day this February could very well be completely different from the others, by simply creating a truly distinctive experience for your loved one. Not all fellas can make this kind of impact on Valentine's day with standard presents like a bouquet of flowers and chocolates.
Valentine Gift Ideas: Timeless Jewelry Pieces
In a few days, Valentine's Day is the date to remember. Lovers
around the world are busy with ideas on how to celebrate this lovely
day. Everyone is busy making reservations with hotels and restaurants.
For others, it is a good reason to buy a special Valentine day's gift.
So what do you have in mind?
This is a proper time to buy jewelry for your wife. She would absolutely love you more when you present her with a jeweled watch. Never mind if it costs you a great deal of amount charged to your credit card. You know it would make her happy, and you very well know she does not have too many pieces in her collection. Likewise, your husband would appreciate new gold plated cufflinks. A gold tie pin or even a silver bracelet is also a wonderful gift idea to make your husband happy.
Your girlfriend would surely appreciate a gold necklace with a heart shaped pendant, or a charm bracelet with both your names imbedded inside. Match it with her favorite flowers and a loving note to make her thrilled throughout the day. Your boyfriend would happy to receive
a matching charm bracelet or a beaded necklace to enhance his stylish appeal.
Giving timeless jewelry to your loved ones and on special occasions could drain your finances. Hence, it takes a bit of planning on your part when to give these valuable pieces.
Other than heart's day, you can give jewelry for your wedding anniversary, as a graduation gift to your child, as a wedding gift and as a hand-me-down gift to members of your family.
You can go to jewelry boutiques and choose the piece, which you think you can purchase within your means, and also, importantly, one that would make the receiver happy. You just have to allot enough time to come up with the amount of money to buy your preferred piece before the special event. At any rate, you have no regrets about doing this.
Suffice to say, jewelry that can be handed down to future generations is great investment.
These pieces of jewelry go beyond fashion and generation. You can dress up your look any time, and add a special touch to your dress down days. Jewelry comes in the form of precious stones, gemstones, birth stones, carat diamonds, gold and silver pieces,
So what do you have in mind?
This is a proper time to buy jewelry for your wife. She would absolutely love you more when you present her with a jeweled watch. Never mind if it costs you a great deal of amount charged to your credit card. You know it would make her happy, and you very well know she does not have too many pieces in her collection. Likewise, your husband would appreciate new gold plated cufflinks. A gold tie pin or even a silver bracelet is also a wonderful gift idea to make your husband happy.
Your girlfriend would surely appreciate a gold necklace with a heart shaped pendant, or a charm bracelet with both your names imbedded inside. Match it with her favorite flowers and a loving note to make her thrilled throughout the day. Your boyfriend would happy to receive
a matching charm bracelet or a beaded necklace to enhance his stylish appeal.
Giving timeless jewelry to your loved ones and on special occasions could drain your finances. Hence, it takes a bit of planning on your part when to give these valuable pieces.
Other than heart's day, you can give jewelry for your wedding anniversary, as a graduation gift to your child, as a wedding gift and as a hand-me-down gift to members of your family.
You can go to jewelry boutiques and choose the piece, which you think you can purchase within your means, and also, importantly, one that would make the receiver happy. You just have to allot enough time to come up with the amount of money to buy your preferred piece before the special event. At any rate, you have no regrets about doing this.
Suffice to say, jewelry that can be handed down to future generations is great investment.
These pieces of jewelry go beyond fashion and generation. You can dress up your look any time, and add a special touch to your dress down days. Jewelry comes in the form of precious stones, gemstones, birth stones, carat diamonds, gold and silver pieces,
Why Women Love To Wear Jewelry
A general conclusion says that women are often picky with what
they wear. You can look at a woman and find her wearing stylish clothes
with matching fashionable jewelry in any given situation. From head to
toe, you would be amazed how a lady can dish out her style, and
come out as a complete look that simply gets your attention.
As a career woman, you would likely be at your best appearance always. Your want your persona to create a professional authority. Consequently, there are certain jewelries that reflect such purpose. You can go to the office for a meeting and wear a pair of pearl earrings complemented with a necklace and bracelet. Truly, this jewelry set creates a glam look.
Women love to wear jewelry no matter what activity they want to do. You could wear them when shopping, going to your laundry shop, and to whatever errands you have to finish on your day. Likewise, no one can prevent you when you want to wear fashion accessories when you go jogging around. So you want to look dolled up during your aerobics class, wearing glitter on your shoes and head gear, as long as you are comfortable, why not? Incidentally, a famous professional tennis player never forgets to wear her gold drop earrings for each tournament. She looks fantastic on the court, and most of the time she wins. Her sports attire includes her jewelry, and who knows, brings good luck to her.
So why wear jewelry? As a woman, you are always wary of your total look. Without jewelry on you, you feel something lacking in your appearance. You believe something beautiful like an ornament adds sparkle to your personality. You believe that wearing jewelry brings out the feminine stance in you. Regardless if you are a teenager, middle aged or in your senior years, you love jewelry because it makes you stand out on your own style and brings out the confident look in you.
With regards to trendy styles, women often look to jewelry to update their appearance. Fashion jewelry includes different sizes of necklaces, earrings, rings, anklets, bracelets, tiaras as well as decorative lapel pins, headbands, hair clips and pins.
come out as a complete look that simply gets your attention.
As a career woman, you would likely be at your best appearance always. Your want your persona to create a professional authority. Consequently, there are certain jewelries that reflect such purpose. You can go to the office for a meeting and wear a pair of pearl earrings complemented with a necklace and bracelet. Truly, this jewelry set creates a glam look.
Women love to wear jewelry no matter what activity they want to do. You could wear them when shopping, going to your laundry shop, and to whatever errands you have to finish on your day. Likewise, no one can prevent you when you want to wear fashion accessories when you go jogging around. So you want to look dolled up during your aerobics class, wearing glitter on your shoes and head gear, as long as you are comfortable, why not? Incidentally, a famous professional tennis player never forgets to wear her gold drop earrings for each tournament. She looks fantastic on the court, and most of the time she wins. Her sports attire includes her jewelry, and who knows, brings good luck to her.
So why wear jewelry? As a woman, you are always wary of your total look. Without jewelry on you, you feel something lacking in your appearance. You believe something beautiful like an ornament adds sparkle to your personality. You believe that wearing jewelry brings out the feminine stance in you. Regardless if you are a teenager, middle aged or in your senior years, you love jewelry because it makes you stand out on your own style and brings out the confident look in you.
With regards to trendy styles, women often look to jewelry to update their appearance. Fashion jewelry includes different sizes of necklaces, earrings, rings, anklets, bracelets, tiaras as well as decorative lapel pins, headbands, hair clips and pins.
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